borderline personality disorder

I still get attacks but sometime ago, I stumbled on this article about a mental disorder expert, and somehow, I found a name and description - as well as identity for my depression...

Now, I feel better knowing I was on the right track. Here's a summary of how to delay suicide:
1. identify the exact thought you have when the attack came. (mine came when I am alone, and not busy with work, crafts, or anything).
2. remember how you were able to revert your thoughts. (during those days when I still was single, I went out to the nearest bookstore and bought me a new book, usually, Mad, 'cause I especially liked Don Martin, or Asterix, and craftbooks... I am quite a visual person...)
3. revert / get distracted. (so, I read, read, or get busy with crafts)

back when my attacks were often, I cried like there's no tomorrow just so I can contain the deep sadness overwhelming me... i cried because it had been too difficult to fight the urge to stop... i was pleading with the attacker --- please just end this (life) and I felt so helpless... i can only cry.
i didn't know what was happening, so I just kept crying...

but now, I devote my time recycling... it's not an expert craft, but I'm surviving!