Gypsy

so i try to believe

2012-01-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

...that there is a justice system and that people out there will use their common sense... i filed a case against our mayor for 9 effing years at the ombudsman december, then another the last week against a labyrinthine immigration consultancy gangsters.I'd like to ride the great law ladies Percida Acosta and Leila de Lima's bandwagon against corruption and a new Philippines... whatever that means... maybe, this is an opportunity...am not looking back, but forward... nowhere to go. think of this as a good day each day, a good month, a good year. be positive. (like a mantra, in order to convince one's self - yes - you can do it)been meeting, too with a veteran lawyer-politician... he's advising me and he knew i asked help from PAO...hoping that PAO will assign me a lawyer who is as persistent - jackal tenacity if you will - as i.what is in store for me?i keep asking myself.it is easy to look the other way. pretend the problems of my corner of the earth will go away without notice... but it will not.there are more scums than we care to count. everywhere. each of them looking for every spot of opportunity to con the other. many times, i want to send them a little note... where will you bring all your power and money when you cease to live?maybe, they have a bright answer.

borderline personality disorder

2011-06-27T04:42:00.000-07:00

I still get attacks but sometime ago, I stumbled on this article about a mental disorder expert, and somehow, I found a name and description - as well as identity for my depression...

Now, I feel better knowing I was on the right track. Here's a summary of how to delay suicide:
1. identify the exact thought you have when the attack came. (mine came when I am alone, and not busy with work, crafts, or anything).
2. remember how you were able to revert your thoughts. (during those days when I still was single, I went out to the nearest bookstore and bought me a new book, usually, Mad, 'cause I especially liked Don Martin, or Asterix, and craftbooks... I am quite a visual person...)
3. revert / get distracted. (so, I read, read, or get busy with crafts)

back when my attacks were often, I cried like there's no tomorrow just so I can contain the deep sadness overwhelming me... i cried because it had been too difficult to fight the urge to stop... i was pleading with the attacker --- please just end this (life) and I felt so helpless... i can only cry.
i didn't know what was happening, so I just kept crying...

but now, I devote my time recycling... it's not an expert craft, but I'm surviving!

Frustrated INcorporated

2010-09-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, you've heard it from Soul Asylum...

It's been the nth day and time that I feel so frustrated and helpless. If I have a choice, I'd be happily crafting day and night... instead, I am prostituting a skill developed while I was being educated...

for many years now, I still cannot spend enough time to finish the things I want done...

and it has kept me sleepless most nights...

and i want to cry, too.

i am lost.

my eyes are hurting it cannot cry.

i want to stop reading and writing...

Torn and tortured motherhood

2010-03-22T02:19:00.001-07:00

In life, you make a commitment which becomes a priority and you stand by it like some (blind) faithful soldier even if it kills or blasts you to pieces... and because I had been blast and dead long ago and a roaming zombie soldier now, I just keep taking.

and one side of me argues you're OK, despite the deaths...

they will be OK, too.

thing about being damaged is that you keep the young ones from experiencing the hells you went through.

look - you came out better.

and scarred. the problem with being scarred is that you won't want to take another sitting down.

will they, too? should I let the elements get in the way? because i know i am difficult. would i want them to be difficult?

experience will keep haunting you because it made you.

will it haunt them, too? what will be made of them?

Word of the day

2010-01-29T19:39:00.000-08:00

Socially-defined needs: a basic tool in capitalism marketing.

so, OK

2009-12-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

My etsy shop got lost today... maybe, it was deleted by the admin, because I failed to pay my monthly due of sixty US dollar cents. Or probably because the last time I logged in, I added to my favorite items list all 3D-butterfly products posted after I posted my recycled 3D-butterfly product. maybe, I insulted the conscience of them... because my 3D butterfly never went to the first page of etsy because i have not started promoting my products, yet and - you know... promote. hype... and maybe, because it was an item posted by a third-world craftster who never promoted her product --- in a commercial way I mean. I like word-of-mouth promotion. the -trying-hard type of promotion - like - directly from it - hey, please visit my shop - or something like that...

and yet, I could afford to promote a hyped-up third-party type of promo sans the costly advertising as if I don't know a thing about crafting and recycling and the struggling craftser that is me and make up stories if only to hype. as if I was paid megabucks to promote it, yes I can, because I've done just that ages back... and just recently, and planning to do it soon. I don't know. I can - you know - know nothing.

for the record, I made these 3D butterflies way back --- I was probably in high school, so, that's 2 decades back. I am not sure if I saw my mom stick em on some paper lanterns (she's an expert on making paper lanterns). Then, I made a version using EK success punchers (I sooo love these paper shapers I bought 5 of it! and actually would want to buy several others if not for financial and importing constraints) and recycled magazine pages --- and posted it at etsy in July 2009, and had two buyers since and probably flatterers... let's cut the crap, OK?

here's my 3D butterflies. you can do a lot about them because they have their own strip of tissue tape and I staple-wired them (or whatever you may call it) . To check the variety, search at etsy "paper butterflies" and get a load of it. as a favorite fm radio deejay says, "i (pause) luuuv it." (mr fu).

Saturday Quote

2009-12-11T18:36:00.000-08:00

And am prostituting as usual...

"I now make my living by being impolite... [...] Prosperity. It used to be a synonym for
Paradise. And Phoebe Hurty was able to believe that the impoliteness
she recommended would give shape to an American paradise.
Now her sort of impoliteness is fashionable. But nobody believes
anymore in a new American paradise. I sure miss Phoebe Hurty."

Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions

Quote for the day

2009-12-06T16:15:00.000-08:00

"I've never felt more sympathetic to people who sell out. People who stay on and try to have some health insurance."
- Jamaica Kincaid (aka Elaine Potter Richardson)

Isn't me

2009-08-18T05:09:00.000-07:00

Getting over a nightmare is quite difficult... until now. A few months back, I was working on this story, actually stumbled upon Lalaine and tried to work beyond my employment means to actually help... before I was kicked out simply for reporting that tuberculosis medicines weren't delivered to where they should be ... to about 130 sponsored children and their families who were infected with the disease in one of the international NGO agency's centers. Two days after my immediate local boss was notified about my report which I handed her 3 months earlier and discussed with her 4 months earlier, she dismissed me from my job. Like I need to be employed.

Punks don't, really. So does gypsies. But wanting to make a difference made me leap to a world I previously was just a spectator ... civil organization ... only to find out there is not much civil difference between the local NGO and a snakepit of a government office. Same slimes, same reptiles.

Before I finally decided to make the report, I was sleepless (to go up the NGO corporate ladder or remain sleepless for hell knows how long). If only I could bear to know something's wrong and just shut the fuck up. If only I could shut this mouth and numb this mind... I could have been filthy rich even in my yuppy days (I once told my dad). Nyehehe. I wonder if I could sleep even if I was filthy rich... I'd probably need loads of downers nightly. But it must be a treat to be filthy rich and would not need downers at all! lol!

I just can't. And so, Deron named me "our agency staff in Quezon City, Philippines." No Deron, I am no longer your staff. Let's get over it (I wish that, too!)

Glitch & Madness

2009-08-03T21:04:00.001-07:00

The problem with DIY is you keep trying and doing mistakes and overhauling and still, you breathe at the end of the day when you suspect your sanity has ran out. Or something like that. I've got a paypal glitch in my DIY shop and it's a good thing I found out before sending out or finally embarking on my low-budgetted promotion. Upon realization just last night, I felt like I deserve not to sleep for a decade. Good thing I was too tired to actually entertain such a horrible thought.
Then this morning, upon waking up, I thought I should create a welcome home gift for lola Misyel. Misyel's one of my closest college buddies. I consider a few of them "closest" because they (probably we, I was a very tactless mouthed one, too) will tell you a lot of damned facts and figures --- in your face, and still they expect you're still friends after a few seconds. As simple as that. But I also want to make something for and after Regina. And Donna, and Caroline, and Marites. And Victoria. Some items or creations I want to name after them.

Will they like it at all?
What if they won't?
Should I let them know at all?

When we were in Asia's oldest university, when I give them stuffs I make, a couple of them would fight for it. It was cool. Not the fight. But how they show their appreciation.

Anyway, it was madness again this morning as I placed brads on twisted wires. I just can't stop.
How will I tell them I called several of my creations Regina?

Thank you

2009-07-16T15:23:00.000-07:00

It's not everyday that a nobody thanks the USA. And today, I do say "Thank you USA" for occupying the Philippines. Because of the late 1800 occupation of America, the Philippines today remain resilient to the financial crisis that has been alarning product-exporting neighbors in Asia.

The news item (from ABS-CBN through Yahoo!) "Remittances hit record high in May; growth still slow" today goes:

MANILA - Money sent home by overseas Filipino workers (OFW) reached a
record high in May, but the pace of growth is still slow as the world economy
reels from the crisis. Data from the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) showed
that remittances grew 3.7% to $1.48 billion in May, the highest since March
2009. The latest figure brings the country's total remittance inflows to $6.98
billion for the first 5 months of the year, a 2.8% growth from $6.79 billion
reached in the same period in 2008. "The stream of remittances from overseas
Filipinos continued to show signs of strength despite lingering global economic
fragilities, providing some basis for cautious optimism regarding steady
remittance levels for 2009," BSP Governor Amando Tetangco said in a statement.
The country's major sources of remittances for the 5-month period were the
United States, Canada, Saudi Arabia, United Kingdom, Japan, Singapore, United
Arab Emirates, Italy, and Germany. The BSP attributed the rise in remittance
inflows to the steady demand for professional and skilled workers and the
expanded access of OFWs and their beneficiaries to a wide range of financial
products and services offered by banks and other financial institutions. Aside
from this, it would be noted that May is traditionally a strong month for
remittances, as this is the month when parents pay the tuition fees of their
children and other beneficiaries. The government continues to give assurances
that jobs overseas remain available to absorb Filipinos looking for employment.
Aside from hiring agreements it signed with Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Canada,
Australia, Japan, and South Korea, the government said it remains focused on job
generation programs to help displaced workers find alternative jobs amid the
economic downturn."

It could have been different if Pinoys weren't English-speaking and as adventurous. While some of us would from time to time pause and curse for all the plagues imperialism and capitalism has brought on the lot of pockets on this earth, the majority of Pinoys already have cultured a trust to westerners and other nationalities that he would actually deny to some of his fellow Pinoys.

This is Long

2009-05-11T02:05:00.000-07:00

I went through another "depression" article (again--- like a ritual)... while more than a month back in our "class" reunion, one of my jolliest classmates talked about depression... I joined in claiming I was never clinically diagnosed but it attacked me, and the symptomes were identical (to the ones I heard and read)...
I've never really won over it (it seemed futile each time like, yes, it exists in a separate world other than where people smile and eat and be happy inside shopping malls)... but I have found a way to reduce the attacks --- I get busy and get involved in "other-centered" stuffs, nevermind if they call me nuts (it is better to be laughed at in jest than to drown in a sorrow no one understands, not even when you pretend you do). This time around, I am trying to find ways to raise my fund for school supplies for some kids whose parents cannot afford to buy them even a couple of writing notebooks, ballpen or pencil, and a bag. I'd like to include slippers now. I had 12 kid recipients previously (the past year). It's a little bit more fun to worry about this than to get an "attack". The more I get busy, I can delay the attack. it's been working... for months now... and with my load --- events, 2 promo/marketing plans to lay down, and tens of proposals to send, I better scram.

Sylvia Plath's Daddy

2009-04-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

I was actually reading (or prostituting about) "Lady Lazarus" the self-destructive one, but "Daddy" caught my attention not so much because of its feminist bleah (i strongly am not a feminist, but just am) but because it was a poignant reaction to anti-Nazism. I don't have time to look for academic debates about it, but Daddy is a little girl's reply to a society that despised Aryanism and her German root as a whole. It was a reaction to World History class discussion. It was a child's defence, so here, she killed her dad, so you stop chanting "Nazi! Nazi! Nazi!" you.

It's a bad time to be Filipino, too, when you once belonged to a group that plundered not only innocent donors of tuberculosis medicines but robbed the urban poor. I certainly hope they didn't. Or should I play my end of the game at all? I dreamt of my previous office and a coffin floating... but I sleep better now.

dilemma

2009-04-13T04:32:00.000-07:00

i am not sure... now i know it's me.

probably.

in November 2008, I interviewed a mother and her child. the child had tuberculosis. 4 of the family members had tb. they received initial medications, for a few weeks, or months. i didn;t know exactly. they didn;t know exactly when it stopped or how long it lasted. i uploaded their story in the website where i should upload, as an employee...

and the story is forgotten. so much like unknown, hungry children all over... with tuberculosis.

in December 2008, I interviewed a father, Jose. He had 2 children staying with him. he was sickly, underweight, and had no regular job. His wife died of tuberculosis. When my officemate on field learned about it, he got angry. I never saw him had that kind of rage. he had always been silent.

in january 6, 2009, I made a written report to my local agency about the plight of the child with tuberculosis and her family, about their need to buy medicines because the tb medicines were not delivered. the health coordinator said there had been no problem about the program: they had complete funds. my agency won't answer my question, nor comment any on the report. "Who are you anyway?" asked my agency director. she didn't know about constitutional rights, about the freedom to ask. about democracy. about equality. and i thought i was a freak.

in february 10, I forwarded the report to the "higher" agency... with naive recommendation to reinforce integrity and damn the paper trail that felled giant economies because of credible and highly paid accountants. damn the highly paid accountants. fuck 'em.

in March 28, the local agency director called me for a closed-door meeting. regarding the report, mainly. she said the "delay" of delivery of the tb medicines had been due to the supplier. but i should resign because she didn't want to work with someone like me. she said i was a traitor.

in April 1, I was fired. for a moment, I had been sleepless. i liked the organization. mainly their nature and objectives. but i doubt the local agency. i wasn't born yesterday. i was a private secretary for a CEO, for a local government unit. i am far from naive. i started hating accountants and their type of job since then.

what's wrong with me?

or is it me?

Stumbled Upon

2009-03-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

Economic crisis is the most gloablly in these past few years. Us from the Third World economies can only observe, or be amused, because it has been here for quite a long time we cannot determine how or when it started, and thank heavens, US and Europe are finally noticing... thanks to globalization.

Existence for the majority of those who can afford the media is almost always limited to where they circulate... They see us (economically challenged) as outsiders, some things to be studied and observed, like rats receiving some newly discovered vaccines, until such time that there is shift of position... but of course, deep in the recesses of our savage nature, we do wish a shift of position... I for one works hard to achieve it... I've actually started to achieve it.

bummer

2009-03-13T03:50:00.000-07:00

part 1

... and i think of the majority of things i do and see and then ask, "is this all?"
... nasty says "yeah. it's the end. period." talk about tact.

... back when, i'd drown in beer, sleep and wake up with a little hangover, and there's a new day- or old - afternoon with the sorrowful thought of yesterday gone... and i could die any time soon. which made life "sweet".

... it was an easy life, until i tripped... hell i did.

... now there's no backing out.

... today, whenever i had a chance to talk with the young 'uns, i tell them the truth --- which i ignored in my not-so-long-ago prime... prime, whataword... that there's no such thing as "love" between the opposites. or whomever... i read a joke awhile ago... a daughter is divorcing and arguing with her mom who discourages her... so the daughter asked, "and who believes of a great marriage?" and the mother replied, "your dad" or something. and you're supposed to laugh.

jesus. this is pathetic. kidding myself.

... hello... not even a good pizza will cheer me up right now. the kids are busy.

... there was a time nirvana actually cheered me up. or alice in chains... or blind melon's no rain. or runaway train. ...another jesus. sorry. i don't intend to offend your religion.

... i'm probably in a rot.

... most probably.

... and when you're not certain where you are in a rot, matt groening comes to mind. i mean the jews. or the rabbits... the third reich...

...or even ann coulter... and here i am wishing you could google. really.

... i am in a rot and i could not die soon.

part 2

this is supposed to be a letter... back when internet was a pigment of the sci-fi imagination, we had letters... between me and my freak friends. i really had some good freak friends. a load of them. we were fine. we drank a lot of beer.

then, we had fanzines. i supposed freaks only end up in fanzines those days. but we had some fun, and a lot of beer and rock'n roll.

but now, there's blog. thanks a lot internet and broadband and all the people about it.

i don't flow out fine. that's the trouble with me. i think of a lot of things at the same time. good thing I only have two hands, else, the end for all of us could have... sorry, i don't intend to scare the hell of you...

don't worry, I am a pacifist according to personality readers or interpreters. or zodiacs or astrologers. no one wants to read my palm.

...i am only violent in my conscious mind and writing... in them, i have assassinated senators, but not yet a president. and a lot of department heads. and a couple of businessmen... there was one who threatened me, but i have never considered assassinating him. i think a lot before assassinating someone in my mind. so, i am not your gangland trigger-happy even in imagination, no.

... i wish some people would pay me for assassinating senators, government officials and businessmen in my mind... i'm sure as hell coulda' been rich.

... could i have avoided this rot if i am rich?

part 3

my keyboards ... actually, this is not my pc... it's my husband's pc... he's gone out probably drinking and i am lazy as hell to open my pc, so i used his pc...

as i was saying, these keys are crazy... the number keys aren't working, it's why i don't have a parenthesis. i use a lot of parenthesis, to separate one rubbish from the other.

i am a writer.

jesus. i am.

i wonder if one needs to be really good when declaring "i am a writer."

i really get embarrassed a lot of times when people ask me what I do, or that I need to specify what I do.

actually, i wish a lot of times i am a writer.

i probably am not a writer.

well, you won't believe my "return" clients are only those who ordered about "social systems" analysis, "economic analysis", "policy analysis", "US foreign relations" and "corporate social responsibility."

i was happy writing about those. i felt like assassinating senators and some businessmen. some of my clients thought i was an "economist". an economist? it's a joke of course. to amuse myself. i wish i am amused.

Wikipedia Editor

2009-03-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

I am a regular Wikipedia user and I can't believe one day when I received this message while browsing through its pages...

In summary, it alleged I:

vandalised "Communication" according to Rror
provided personal analysis to "Gormiti" according to Piano non troppo
unconstructive editing to "Forrest Gump" according to Quantumobserver

I've read about bots (or whatever) and Russian espionage retirees that now populate the etherwolrd or whatever world we have now... and I am almost overwhelmed to receive an alien of accusation from the Wikipedia editors themselves. lol. I am grinning from ear to ear although I am aware how big a catastrophe their talents could wrought... first to my credit card and person. In reality, I am a bit scared. I have not set off, literally, from my small venture, and here's my pc invaded by aliens of higher intelligence. This is not, however, my personal computer. I rather want to call that Asus laptop my pc because it's been programmed to be rebooted from time to time for reasons of both capacity and security.

It was my first time to encounter Gormiti. I mean, who the hell cares about Gormiti if they are freaks? I am also a freak, but I'd rather not be a Gormiti. Or that they are "defencless". (Pardon me, I use the wikipedia for easy referencing, although it really freaks me to read "India" British English on most of its pages, which are sometimes unintelligible or something-OK, it could be me). Or about Forrest Gump. Of course I envy its success, but I don't even like the actor. And "communication"? (I'm snickering like an idiot). I am a self-centered schizo who can't even handle my own, so why would I bother myself with such a massive word?

Now, my problem is about opening a convo with these editors to rectify (as if there's one to) these allegations. For all I know, my kids could have done 'em... (I can only wish). In truth, this is an SOS.

Picasso and Hope

2009-02-20T23:22:00.000-08:00

I see Pablo Picasso glorified and it makes the mediocre "artist" me very hopeful.

Kids' Story

2009-02-17T17:50:00.000-08:00

This is a photo essay...

or something that may resemble it.

Frame Up at Informatics

2009-02-12T20:49:00.000-08:00

A former employee (fe) of this educational institute came to me a few days back because the person they were after (pa) cannot deal with them and asked for help. The story goes that the (pa) signed a sworn statement (court material) indicating that the (fe) had received tuition payments from (pa) without issuing official receipts. (pa) confirmed that the content of the affidavit was true... but (pa) also want to cooperate with (fe) or help in however way he can.

(fe) however, came with very damaging documents:

signed clearance from Informatics issued December (last year)
a registration form (non-official, therefore non-legal) issued by Informatics to a student (fe) brought along with
publicly displayed photos of (fe) at Informatics accusing her of illegal activities
a January (this year) "demand" letter from the apparent "administrator" of the institution to (fe) asking for explanation, payment, and a lot of other things at the same time, a threat thinly disguised as a civil letter.

For any ordinary citizen (which comprise much of this country --- like probably 70 million), the letter is terrifying, short of a court order ruling "you're guilty as charged".

I told (fe) the truth that there's no case and she may either ignore the letter or to turn the case around and file extortion, defamation, and harassment against the "administrator" immediately. She went out of my cubicle happy-faced, the (pa) rid of his problem. It just happened I signed an "agreement" paper with the said administrator a few months back, and it was just sad there are people who take advantage of their position and abuse others ... so much like some local insurance companies and financial institutions who recently had to ride the US' economic woes' bandwagon... when in fact they have been lousing it up since the start.

I mean, I've always questioned why my mom, a government employee, had to pay a lot of insurance fees, and these were automatically deducted from her meager salary, so that she receives just about 20% of her gross pay monthly. I've always been against "future security" and all that crap ensuring a better tomorrow... For me, I labor now, I enjoy it now. But these "executives", they work for the "future" of others and enjoy triple of what the others try to sow, right now (even before the plan is completed - they call it bonus).

It won't surprise me if days or weeks from now that one Informatics branch here hog a local newspaper headline... It's the trend they have to ride, immediately, or it will pass them by like a rare opportunity.

irreverence & a floodgate

2009-01-28T04:29:00.000-08:00

I am irreverent, most of the time to a very limited few: count in the local politicians, the men behind Pentagon's big businesses, probably to IMF, WTO, Bush' Homeland Security geniuses, and I can't recall much more...

I've joined a local forum and for some months, enjoyed the banter and shooting down of opinions... until one started name-calling me. I've never been onion-skinned. My father's gonna skin me alive if he'd ever find out I cried for that: name-calling...

I can't even believe it myself and did not rest until I find out why I cried... Maybe because behind my irreverence to people behind faulty systems, I have respect for real people, but more so with women, the female.

I've never returned to that forum again after I posted my last message, but had to return again due to a personal attack---something that freaked me even more--- to request the forum administrator a favor... and then I learned why I cried. It has opened a floodgate of angst and repressed freedom... of having to choose between wanting to be me, or of remaining a mother... and with it "wife".

until now, I've remained a mother, nurturing as much as I can a "family". But in reality I've drowned myself, my self-respect, my independence, by taking in more hits than I can handle. I've never felt more beaten than now... because I have long known I failed as a wife and yet, pretend I haven't... then again, I would need to live with that reality, of being a mother and no longer a wife. The "how" will be a problem, but I hope I'll get by.

Balancing Act 1

2009-01-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

In the column of Nicholas Kristof Where Sweatshops are a Dream, it is argued that sweatshops are not exploited enough in Cambodia... and all the lands that could be represented by it, including bayan ko, and the gargantuan sweatshop of all --- China. Some had opposing views, of course.

As for me, I am still torn... I've never aspired to produce more than 1 copy of what I can conceive (except probably for a paperback I have long been preparing for, yeah, I keep dreaming on), but yes, I have tapped on a nursing mother (of 7) who has a husband with irregular income to assist me, and of course I allowed her to bring her baby and 4-year-old child to work... I am a mother, too. So I keep on weighing how far i should demand and how much should I expect to earn... when in fact I have no marketing budget set aside...

As the economic crisis continue eroding businesses everywhere, I try to learn, pick-up points to avoid, and it is such a slow task I end up sleepy most of the time... and although i have irreverently championed "made in China" sometime back, I have learned the hard way that most of the items I bought made in China disintegrated into useless junk for no reasons at all, except that I was conned to buy them from legit business establishments.

At one point, I actually think one Kristof dissenter who wrote, "In fact, the sweatshop workers of China were the canary in the coal mine, the starting point in a vicious circle that has impoverished us all," is right. But then again, it is difficult to discount greed as the main cause of all the imbalances the world experiences now. I'd always wonder why excess should be anyone's pursuit. While I've always like chocolate and other foodtusff so much, I can only eat as much. And that is enough.

Venture

2009-01-13T20:01:00.000-08:00

In my mind and in reality, I've done a lot of outlines about how my venture/s would go. Why these and my expectations aren't happening is a question I need to answer, and address:

lack of back-up/team members (I always wonder how to multiply myself)
lack of time (I have a fulltime job, and a side-job)
lack of focus (I want to do a lot of things at one time)
too many interests (I'm lost).

After all is said and done...I'd probably never get rich. Damn.

Santo Tomas River

2008-12-30T12:03:00.000-08:00

The river of my childhood... where I swam with friends after a heavy rain and riverflood, despite the warnings and punishments I got from my parents... (t'will always remain the best swimming days of my life).

December is considered a non-rainy season (summer), so, the water has receded until the riverbed cracks dry... so much like any ordinary observer, I wonder where the fresh water fishes, shells and shrimps go... that reappear after the heavy rains...

Racist, too

2008-12-11T20:38:00.000-08:00

It's been a while...

My world has whirled like a drunk top for the past few days and I can't seem to focus (as always, nothing new) on what to blog about as I read about recession and money in blogging or youtubing and remember a lot of loads (ITs have had it for the ABILITY to tweak their rotators, darnit).

But anyway, I had a life... the concert is finally over and here's a pic of Kitchie Nadal I took. She's pretty (darn!) and good.And still, I can't think about any thing to blog about... except just this one last --- racism. When I was still packing my suitcase for an overseas trip, my sister warned me about being Filipino and about "dressing my best" as supposedly adviced by her hedging boss (yeah, my sis is in the hedging business, pathetic) so as not to be discriminated upon.

Dressing for equality?

My sense of humor was bursting by the seams! I'd have a shirt printed with "Incidentally, I am also a racist!" I told her, and she approved. But I set it aside anyway. And the only discrimination I got during the whole damned trip was --- from my fellow Filipinos... As if I don't take a bath daily.

First was from the immigration officer who didn't honor my SSS ID for an identification card (she demanded a company ID of which I produced a cheap, cardboard ID, and still, she was looking for more, and it was a relief when I told her I did not bring my company ID because I was paying for my own expenses). That seem to have pacified her, after slightly raising a brow.

Then, the next discrimination acts I got came from the attendees of the CSR. Not exactly from all of them but from some Filipinas and a bored media man from the Philippine Star (I did not try to remember his name lest I be labelled a social climbing palanggana - aaargh!).

I met friendly Japanese media and Singaporean PR yuppies, a Swedish captain of a shipping company, a friendly American resource speaker, a Muslim senior cameraman, and they were class acts. Next time around, I'd really watch out for fellow Filipinos. I'll pretend to be ilocano instead.

Confrontation with my Dad (& Ancestors?) and Anarchy

2008-11-23T18:16:00.001-08:00

When I was tasked to provide differentiation between Hong Kong and Singapore's democracy a few months back, I found out about Chee Soon Juan and the Speaker's Corner. I was greatly disappointed with what I learned.

Despite this, I went to Singapore recently, for career reasons, and upon getting out of the Changi airport, saw handiworks of my father, and most of our conversations, arguments and confrontations came flooding in with one that stood out...

We always have fought about choices and consequences of our choices. About obedience and the freedom to learn... to speak, and to silence (OK, so, this may be creepy, but it's a reality I have to live with, and most often, had to fight against in vain, because I myself noticed how important it is to remain silent when deep inside a voice is screaming, almost drowning).

There is order, cleanliness (I could almost smell as antiseptic) and the absence of dire poverty in the streets of Singapore, so unlike Metro Manila or its suburbs I easily conceded to my patriarchal Asian dad... would I prefer freedom of speech to a numbing poverty? was no longer a question.

And I concluded, in a world as miserable as I have seen and experienced, freedom is only for those who can handle it. It's atrocious, and my God, I know I am turning into one.

In the press conference I attended later, Washington SyCip confirmed the advantage of this atrocious thought when I asked if the MNCs in the room considered influencing leadership in governments as part of their CSR programs, and he said it depended on the country... as he looked intently in my eyes I almost felt he was an ancestor lecturing... Syscip earlier applauded "Singapore's government as more efficient than its private sector" which was the premise of my query.

Much later as I shared a ride to Changi airport with Swedish Mr. Svensson, our conversation turned to social and ethical regulations in business organizations. "The problem is about how far would an organization go to abide by these guidelines," he said talking about ISO certifications, because "somewhere and elsewhere, there will always be business who would be tapping cheap supplies or labours..." He shared how their company have had the advantage to work with the Burmese not so much to support a Myanmar regime but to give the workers a level-playing field at earning for their keep, and how they had to close operations due to trade restrictions.

Which had us seguing to the recent hijacking headlines of Somali pirates... where governments and international organizations could not impose a war, nor barrier against this group mainly because Somalia have no stable government...

Businesses and groups of people fighting on their own seemed to be the order in my thoughts as I exit a model city state with pseudo-democracy...

Later, I was overwhelmed when I double-cheched Mr. Svensson's call card and find out he is a Captain...

Dilemma

2008-10-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

After I met the teachers and saw the report card of my son Jezreel, a problem I thought I was through was resurrected: allergy to the education system. I was never an ideal student. I draw instead of listen to teachers that bore me. I discreetly told stories to whoever sat beside me. I spend all my allowance the fastest way I could (I was given my week's allowance every start of the week) then absent from class once I no longer have money. I was always a top absentee, if not one of them.

The only saving grace: I love to read.

And now, I see another case, the load doubled: he has a reading disability and he seem to have taken after me when it comes to the education system...

"He keeps drawing and does not listen to the teachers," his adviser complained, I almost thought she was referring to me... deja vu.

"We should enroll him at art school instead," I told my husband. But he won't listen ... and I hated him more for it. The art school I was told about is a little bit far from where we live. And I wonder if at art school, there are no boring teachers nor equally boring subjects. It must be real challenge to be a teacher... but it is a bigger problem to have a son who takes after you in hating education systems, yet you still worry about this abstraction called "his future."

fuck the future

A Dream

2008-10-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

Kap [in Chavit shirt --- yeah, we're from Chavit Republic --- his daughter [behind]
and grandchildren [mainly my kids- in colored shirts, beside him]...

Our barangay, although a Spanish colony circa 1500 and mother barangay of our town Santo Domingo and supposedly considered historical [by me and those who want to acknowledge it], is one of the more neglected barangays in our town due to a very small voting population --- prob'bly below 200. For so long, the barangay was not able to bargain at all among government officials for a "favor", such as election money [hehe, talk about taxed instant noodles, it has become the closest thing taxpayers ever get rebate or ITR at all], much more a bridge.

This changed when our old man --- Uncle Erning to most --- became barangay captain and consequently, ABC [association of barangay captains] president. It became his mission-dream to have our barangay bridge built. In 2006, this dream became a reality. So, ladies and gentlemen, the much awaited and blogged [by me, of course] Santo Tomas bridge ---

The Jolliest Uncle We Ever Had

2008-09-24T05:22:00.000-07:00

This morning, I received message from my cousin Xander that our uncle Prining Tabalan is gone. Uncle Prining, known as the jolliest uncle we ever had, is more popularly known as our longest-serving barangay captain. He finished his 3-terms of about ten years.

He is the best and preferred host for all our "pasala" or "pa-sosial", a fund-raising sort of public dance or party where the host plays a very crucial role of steering "box" bidders. The event is usually done to raise funds for the annual barangay fiesta (this is why Philippines has adopted the moniker Fiesta Islands). The host auctions a roasted chicken wrapped in banana leaves to male audience / bidders. The highest bidder (usually a group of men from one barangay, or one group) may opt to dance the number with their chosen ladies (previously single maidens seated on a round area --- today even married and elder ladies may join the public dances) or pass the number for another or new auction.

Uncle Prining's timing and hearing is so sharp he could stir a current winning bid to a much higher bid as long as the music is playing. And he always did everything with his signature sense of humor that amuses his audience. He has ad libs at par with Eat Bulaga's Vic or Joey...

In our barangay --- Santo Tomas (Santo Domingo Ilocos Sur--- one of the northern provinces in the island of Luzon) --- uncle Prining donated a portion of his residential lot to put up a hut called "dap-ayan". It is a meeting or gathering place so much like a city joint, where one may find uncle Prining most of the time after he has attended his farm (together with my cousins Manuel and Manong Istong or William--- they plant rice, corn, and they were the last to plant tobacco in our barangay before smuggled tobacco from China invaded our northern shores), sharing stories and opinions. His were always tainted with humor, in fact he gave aliases to the majority of residents and even new or regular visitors in our place.

One can share to uncle Prining whatever and even the heaviest burdens one has for the day, but would forget everything afterwards because he will definitely crack the loads. There is no boring time when uncle Prining was around... he migrated in Canada in 2004 and our barangay has never been the same...he visited when our adopted sister Lonalyn passed away --- he was a father to Lonalyn...

There are people we know who will remain the same in our memories and uncle Prining will remain the jolly good fella in mine... and probably to more than half of the barangay folks.

Eco Squared

2008-09-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

You won't believe a self-declared punk & a gypsy's browsing over these authors with their stuffs:

Bhagwati, Jagdish (2003). Free Trade Today. Princeton University Press.
Herman E. Daly, The Perils of Free Trade, Scientific. American, 50-57, November 1993.
Hilary French Coping with Ecological Globalization, by Worldwatch Institute on December 11, 2005
The future of growth by Lester R. Brown
Seeding the sustainable economy by Gary Gardner and Thomas Prugh

In reality, am not even sure the titles and names sync. As I mentioned earlier, I am a prostitute writer. Will read and write anything for a little money.

Do I absorb all these stuffs?

In reality, I don't. I am already having information overload. If I was able to afford it, I already would have finished 5 masters, and 2 Phds with all the books and journals I have read and all the essays I have written. If I were a Windows, I'd be hanging a lot, with message prompts like "System Error", "Contact Your Administrator" or "Would you like Windows to go online to find the program..." blah, blah, blah.

Either I'd remain a punk without plans and a gypsy roaming where the roads take me, or I start build up a name, a brand, a business plan, a company, an empire. The latter does not actually fit me. I just don't fit. Oh how I want to. It frustrates me a lot of times to build a name and make big bucks. But the only name I was able to build, and I don't think it's sturdy enough to stand is gypsypunk. And the enterprise is not even entirely mine. I can't even afford a decent pay for whoever I might hire to work with me. Good thing we're siblings. We don't need to demand what the other cannot give. We could shout at one another if we disagree on one thing and we both work at our own phase.

But this does not mean I am not conscious of stuffs like the environment. I wish I easily could just say it... I was able to finish my college education because of recycling and organic farming, long before these became "sustainable" hypes. My diseased uncle had an enterprise and part of his income paid for my education, so although I brush it off easily when poseurs view me as a neophyte with working with nature, deep inside I wanna bash.

Doing a Sherlock

2008-09-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

I didn't really know Sherlock. I prefer his English (of Belgian nature) counterpart Hercule Poirot... I was after all a spy in my imaginary life... but actually, am duplicating a lawyer here. Lawyer, yes. My father wanted me to become one. Me? Fuck the law. I prefer anarchy any time.

A couple of nights ago, a distant cousin's infidel wife was escorted by a first degree cousin and aunt to our rented apartment. For my services. I was a very talented (OK, OK, prostitute writer if you will) scribe most of my relatives believe I could actually replace a lawyer for their legal document preparations, including content... she needed a Complaint Affidavit for robbery.

So I had her narrate the incident.

I went home from Saudi Arabia to find my house doors all open and my house helper gone. And so are all my valuable belongings --- Acer laptop, 52100 Nokia cellphone, Sony videocam, jewelries, and all my signature clothes! See, I took the photos, our house was in disarray. (She showed me some pics which seem to me were stacks of publications that comes with electronic hardwares --- a very normal sight if you ask me).

Waitaminute. Where were your children? I knew her 2 children were left with their house helper for most of the time as both she and her husband work overseas. And it's customary for Filipinos worldwide to be fetched from the airport when going back home as balikbayan. So, this infidel went home from Saudi Arabia alone, and found her house doors open... okay, re-read her narration above.

How long have she (helper) been with you?

More than two years.

Whoa, that is looooong. What did your children told you about the state of your house before the morning they left (for school)? Was the helper with them that morning? Were the items gone with the helper?

No. The house was OK. The helper was still there. She even sent me a message (SMS).

Why would she rob you now, on the same day you were to arrive from SA?

I don't know? She sent me another message using my daughter's old SIM card... that she was held hostage and that her taker said I need to pay him a large amount, more than what I have taken from my ex (she calls her lover her "ex"... I had a moron of a cousin, but he's a distant cousin).

Your helper knows about him? That had me thinking. Because I thought she and my distant cousin had fixed their "marriage". I was one of the bride's maids, dang!

Well, yes. (I expected her to elaborate, but she didn't.) She said she was being held by the (family name of his "ex"). That they had a gun poked on her.

Now, this is getting pretty complicated. If your helper knew you were to come home, and she planned or intended to rob you, why would she do it the last minute you were arriving?

She didn't have an answer but she repeated enumerating the things she lost.

I finished the affidavit but I told her and her companions that there was a third party and that the helper did not commit the robbery. But the third party did. I pity the helper. She didn't rob the infidel. The infidel robbed herself and the helper is her scapegoat. I hope the helper is alive. I wonder what happened to the helper. I wish I could do something. I wasn;t able to sleep well that night. Damn!

How did I arrived at the conclusion? My father was an investigator. In my childhood days to until I grew up hardheaded, I woke up each morning listening to crime interrogations, in our house. Then, there was the element of time... from the airport to the house, and the robbery. It was impossible to do it in a very short time without company. She used her "ex" as an alibi when in fact her "ex" was her co-conspirator. Slip of tongue. I forgot to remind her I was also a published author of 8 pocketbooks (local of course, dang!)

Good Morning

2008-09-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

Had dinner at The Grill, 3rd Level, Trinoma... with a Cesar salad that provokes the nose and a pizza... a wine and cocktail...I've been fantasizing of doing this for more than a decade... when I have settled down to a rural life after I got married, being a wife and mother became an entirely new challenge as waiting for the husband to get home without letting me know his whereabouts served for sometime a purgatory... this is a normal phenomenon for the majority of wives in this country, but I wasn't a majority.
For more than a decade, I was left without a choice but wait, and for a patience-challenged stubborn me, I tried to find ways... there had been outlets like the internet, chat, this blogging, and loads of bead jewelries created. But this one, spending the night with the familiar music, alcohol---OK, I only opt for cocktails--- and faces as I switch role of ignoring my mobile while husband calls or SMS to check my location and time I'd go home... bliss...

I answered the phone at around 4 am, to inform him I had a coverage. Revenge is sweet. Doubly sweet when one enjoys it. Take a peek.

Kid Adventures We will Never See

2008-06-17T15:44:00.000-07:00

This salamagi [tamarind] tree in bakir [forested area] of the Cordillera hills has been standing there even while I was still a kid. Its fruits are sour...

Still on kid topics... here are my personal experiences I know they might never experience at all:
- scale up wild fruit trees (mulberry --- am not sure if this is the real version of mulberry, but it has a tiny grape-like cluster smaller than the finger in size but dark blue-violet in colour, almost black, that stains the mouth violet when eaten. It is sweet and juicy, a sweeter and mixed version of duhat and grapes; duhat or lomboy; siniguelas na malagkit; wild small guavas that although very green outside, sweet inside; aludig with tiny corn-seed-like fruits usually with variety used as bonsai) in semi-forested areas of the Cordilleras
- swim in rivers or streams a few days after a river flood during rainy season (my aunt Lita never approved of it, neither did my mom & dad I earned a whip or more each time I was caught in the act)
- catch elusive fresh-water shrimps in streams
- pick native kuhol (or bisukol), kusikos, etc. in flooded ricefields
- pick sun-dry tobacco leaves at dawn for extra income
- agtudok (ti tabaco), or the piercing of tobacco leaves on bamboo sticks two feet long prior to cooking in flu-curing barn
- scaling adventure inside flu-curing barns made of mud and dried rice leaves/stalks.

These, however were limited to barrio kids like me. I doubt even my counterparts in the poblacion areas have an idea. Nevertheless, even if I was a barrio lass, I always visit my cousins in Quezon City as a kid during Christmas and vacations, so, I was exposed to plastic toys, Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tune characters, as well as Shakey's Pizza, Cubao shopping center, and Burger Machine's sansrival...
This lomboy [a dark, blue berry variety] is one of those perpetually generous fruit bearers but it has what we call tulangan [boney, or big boned] fruits of which only a very thin portion is edible.

A Message for those who have (a) Child / Children (Like Me)

2008-06-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

I got this forward a few years ago, and again today...

To My Child

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when
I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach
me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off,
and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you
scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he
comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you
grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are
concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand
over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy
Meal so you can have both toys..
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about
how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch
and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my
favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I
will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever
given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of
their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching
their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day...

And today too, I had a chat again with Guerra who sent me this invite...

and she blurted: Nakakatawa, I just realized we are working for children... i mean in different ways
me: onga... (does it mean) mga paranoid ba tayo sa FUTURE? hehe
guerra: hahaha!

Anyway, am not a good mom, but am doing my best to just let my kids be... most of the time.
- they sealed the drainage at the bathroom to make their own swimming pool (AAARGH!)
- they ALWAYS take baths together and FIGHT endlessly for a minimum of 3 hours EVERYDAY (in fact, I passed down a LAW that all mouths are shut each time they take a bath ... of course it is always violated)
- they always win an ice cream if they whine about it (sometimes, I dread to hear the whine, so I give in before it even begins)
- they wear whatever they want (even if we have a mountain load of laundry a few seconds after the last load are still on the dyer)
- even if we had to prowl for hours Trinoma's ground floor in search of 2 kids that don't look relatives each time we bring them there, because they would insist on staying at the play area every time we got 'em there to shop

- I only worry about what they are going to be each time they refuse to do some errands I ask of them
- we snuggle with each other every night, the whole night... (in case you're wondering about nocturnal matters between couples, ask me about it, OK?)
- they do hear stories about their birth and other stuffs that occurred
- ei, I've had no regret at this time because each time I do have a regret about motherhood, I reflect and try to settle the matter within the next hour or so...
- I'm a punk, remember?

A Gift

2008-06-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

My kids have an endearing streak to hand me handmade gifts they make on their own. This one's an origami which my eldest Jezreel enjoys doing so much... the written words courtesy of the middle child, Nalchael... and the delay and problems in the production courtesy, of course of Ivvong, the youngest. They're a noisy, hyperactive and lovable bunch, you should get ones you'self...

Gift-giving is one that many people appreciate and enjoy. And gifts for no reason at all are always the best. So, give some people a gift every now and then. For no reason at all. The benefits are enormous:
- relieves stress
- makes you feel good
- makes you real good when given to financially unfortunate people / children
- strengthens your shoddy soul
- will give you soul if you don't have one
- well, at least it could be a start to having a soul
- am not saying you don't have a soul
- am saying you can give gifts to marginalized strangers and it could make a lot of difference
- and the difference is not only on their lives
- but also yours...
- proven positive.
- honest.

Here's a link of where to or how to give, anonymously or with trumpets. Or here's another.

Racism

2008-06-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

I was in high school when I first encountered the word "discrimination"... with "racial" before it. It was a class discussion on an article that came out in a school newsletter or something...

Today, as I still ponder and decide (given the time of waiting for an attempt to apply as Canadian immigrant amounting to about $20,000) whether or not to migrate, I am now beginning to consider the word and its implication... More than a decade back, I experienced "social status" discrimination at the Alabang Golf and Country Club, just because the staff probably decided I cannot afford their country club dishes... and another followed when I was summoned to go to the editor-in-chief's not-so-exclusive house in Paranaque... with the household help leaving me outside their locked gate under the scorching heat of noon sun for about half an hour (I would have sought any shed, tree or man-made if there was any within the next 500 meters)... among "educated" and "elite" people... (so, now, don't be surprised why I attach a not-so-glamorous adverb/adjective among the "rich" of this country...)

I rarely practice discrimination. I am ethnocentric, only because I am proud of the Ilocano hardworking image (not so much because of our dark-skinned elbow), but beyond that, I practice equality and respect universally, regardless of age and clothing (and the lack of it)... I know this attitude will somehow bounce back (karma) and I am quite sure I have already passed this on to my kids. And still, I have doubts. I just had a chat with an acquaintance in Japan and she has mentioned the word... I have heard / read of Filipino racism anecdotes, or jokes mostly online, but I am sure the issue is lingering up there. Out there.

And the real problem is in handling it. I am not so good about anything unfair. I would complain and bump off anyone who inserts him/herself in a queue (I also influence others to complain I have actually developed it as a skill). I blog the names of government officers or officials who practice their damned stupidity without discrimination, and if my anger does not subside, I mention them in a column (no matter how insignificant the paper I may be writing in). They are quite lucky, tho, I am not moneyed. Else, I'd take 'em all to court... I probably would have about 14 cases by now... and I would probably be including several media men in my pay list... so you see, I am that determined.

Incidentally, Filipinos, too have some form of discrimination against "other" races, basically as:
- they do not take a bath as regularly as "us"
- they do not concern themselves about their neighbors (hindi chismoso/chismosa!) as much as we do
- they use too much perfume (in lieu of a bath)
- they are lazy (but definitely NOT referring to fellow Asians)
- they live expensively (maluho, magastos)... example told to me was a breakfast of coffee and dough nut or whatever at Starbucks that may cost something like $10... which could be have at home for less than $2!
- they borrow too much! (utang nang utang)... must be the city bank card culture...

Nevertheless, these are second-hand info.

First hand info:
- paranoid government bodies (basically US)
- obsessed about viewing bodies
- think Asians are hot
- obsessed about chat online (t's why I always go on stealth)
- legion of bisexuals
- paranoid about all other issues... as if they need to address all issues like same sex marriage and all that...

But maybe, I can just be Filipino and hack it. Gooks are everywhere as I have proven in my own country... and be romantic about it (good will prevail, although I don't want it just in the end).

Name Game

2008-06-11T01:33:00.001-07:00

Our IT head recently showed me google results (or was it a yahoo search?) of my name and this is one of the links... which was a MySpace page of a familiar name and personality but with a different face... yes, entirely different I am sure they are not the same face!!! hehe.

Then of course, I noticed the quotes and after quotes...

I rarely quote people, especially those who are quite popular... only during bragging bouts with friends who know I am nasty... and my favorite was my "own" words exchanged with ABS-CBN artist Diether Ocampo --- "What? You are working with ABS-CBN and you don't know where my shows are aired?"

Of which I answered, "No. I don't watch tv." And that's it.

But to be quoted by others is quite a flatter... oooooooh, like I mattered. Hah! I am now grinning like an idiot should. hehe. I can't stop.

I mean, it does not matter to me anymore how I was pictured, or described... reporter, fired. I was a reporter? I didn't know I actually had been, but I was a reporter for a very short time... when I had a practicum with the Manila Standard under then Metro Editor Jojo Robles... with my classmate-barkada Michelle Yu, Donnabelle Gomez and Odette Montelibano...

And that was not even official... I also had a short stint as correspondent for the Phil. Daily Inquirer... But not as a reporter... So, sorry, baby, I was not a reporter...

Most of my life, I was into public relations. So basically, I write behind the scenes...

Then, nasty as ever, I emailed this to a friend who knew the blogger as much as I do...

Musta ka na?

Am back (with my whole family) in QC! Sa me Vasra where I grew up as a teen... teentado!

'Lam mo, me pinakita yong IT head namin (I accepted a fulltime job para mag-work ang Mr. ko sa research business namin, and so far, it's effective, feeling ko, malakas kang magdasal! well, aside from alcohol and his rash mouth, we're getting along better, saka parang bumabalik yong time when we were on that period of transition from friends to "alam mo na" --- sabay ooooooooiii!)

back to 'yong pinakita --- google result ng maiden name ko, at isa ito sa lumabas, click mo dalii!!!

Si Gorgonia! Hehe. Joke. Lupit natin manlait 'no? Knock on wood.

Tingnan mo, baka me quote ka na matagal mo na pala syang pinagnanasaan!!!

Anlupet! I mean, do u really quote people as in? Ma ere at narcicist din ako pero not that SOBRA. As in sobra... I mean, does it matter if one dork is L na el sa 'u if mukha namang paa or talangka, or ... well, anyway, I had a good maiden period!

So, now, I wonder how many of the local rock stars knew the "then and now" scenario... hehehehehehe...

Sinusitis

2008-06-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

Many of us have clicked on the Blog of Note and most of the time disappointed at the links given to us... wondering / commenting:
- sighing "my life is a tad more interesting..." and actually wish it was
- grunting "I write better" and wonder why Blog of Note can't seem to find our blog good enough
- "It's not true!" when we find something quite unbelievable although we wish we could exaggerate credibly as well
- wondering "Where'd he/she got all those luck?" with the stuffs they blog about (travels, consumptions, purchases, gadgets, and more purchases)
- admiring their dedication and systematic approach to blogging and wishing we acquire it too, for free (unfortunately honey, there's no such things as free!)
- neat! They're neat! Haven't you noticed? (And am not, so what?)

Ei people, it's my sinusitis. I haven't had this virus for ages I cannot recall the time I last had it but it's fugly and eating half my brain! Ciao!

Older

2008-06-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

I feel I just got older again (107 years old)... wiser, content, slower. Fatter...so what?
- I am content with my life at the moment, with my micro-mini investments at a lull, but not eating too much of my strength, incomes, and time.
- My kids tell me I am fat (baboy - translation: pig) and that I should strive to reduce size. They are blunt... a result of freedom of speech maintained at home. And I believe them.
- My resumed hobby - painting and visual arts - takes a back seat, in fact, parked in a cabinet in a spare room at the apartment
- My crafts - paper recycling and bead works - crawls in my busy schedule only to satiate my craving for a new accessory
- A project with the corresponding proposal crawls in my subconscious and sometimes, gets in the way while I commute to the office... it's about a friggin' public park I wanna have an MA with the city government... but would need to discuss with the owners first (my aunt & cousins)...
- Another eco project that I cannot at the moment give time and resources because my husband's gonna start protesting again... lurks in the shadows...
- A nagging feeling for a dining adventure at Tomas Morato that eventually all boils down to getting satisfaction with imported sweet tamarind (from Thailand, and it's eating me why should not I plant my own --- I did plant some tamarind seeds a few years back, and they were able to see the morning rays of the Ilocos sun and have my father's farm staff plant them but the one assigned on them died a year after and yes, I did had a sob for both the orphaned seedlings and the dead)... or a leche flan... ei, I knew I already blogged that eating is a vice I believe as constitutionally protected... talk about sense...

Am off before I get kicked on the butt!

Photo of me taken by my eldest Jezreel.

Anonymously

2008-05-22T16:16:00.000-07:00

Why blog anonymously? Why is it difficult to blog openly and honestly, and in the event when we become all-too honest in our writings, who is the person/s that we dread the most to discover and read our blog and why?

Yes, am trying my first entry for a contest. Why blog anonymously?
1. Being anonymous is a challenge for your readers. Are they really interested? They will try to find out beyond if they are.
2. But some readers prefer the fun of not knowing who this fucking helluva-genius-who -beat-me about this original helluva thought. So, they like and continue reading blogs of writers unknown to them, breeding animosity (ei, I hope I have the right words!)
3. It seems cool. No color, race, physical appearance, monetary and financial status bias. We're all on a level-playing field. Although many times, you have to find clever ways to promote your site, to get readers coming... and return on their own will
4. My physical appearance / identity could be disruptive (lol!).

Why is it difficult to blog openly and honestly, and in the event when we become all-too honest in our writings, who is the person/s that we dread the most to discover and read our blog and why?
1. Fear. Military-based fear. We fear of the powers that are, although we extremely believe they are all idiots and would not even comprehend a line we blog. We fear a scalawag with a higher form of understanding (as compared to government officials) would chance upon our blog and squeal (chu-chu) the idiots we mash... then we fear they would be able to buy an IT smart enough to trace our true identity and we start to disappear like the CEGP writers or activists that faceless and nameless military idiots waste.
2. Fear. Emotional fear. We fear that people who are close to us could read beyond and misinterpret our ramblings. We are humans, capable of mistakes, and bloggers who are prone to make mistakes, especially personal biases, so, staying in the dark protects us from the harsh shadows of reality. It frees us of our burdens, of thoughts, doubts, undisclosed secrets, and a hell lot more.
3. I dread a government official (who had killed before) I blogged about who has a smart IT personnel to read my blog... I fear death. I am not ready. I haven't started my crusade. They have to pay.

Private Property

2008-05-11T06:35:00.000-07:00

In the middle of Wild Life Park in Quezon City, there's this marked area "Private Property". My sis scaled the locked gate with the sign "Do Not Enter Private Property." Did I blogged elsewhere we're a bunch of police characters?

Of course this is a joke.

So, I am posting it here. It's a pretty cool view, anyway.

Am officially making it public property. Hehe.

Tsinelas Part 2

2008-04-30T00:41:00.001-07:00

A couple of days back, I had to visit a micro-mini business venture out of town. When I returned home at around 8 pm, the house (rented apartment) seemed empty, but I found our screen window open I could actually sneak out the scanner off it. And I noticed the emergency ladder hanging too, low. I got in courtesy of our landlord's spare key. When I got to the second floor, I noticed how the iron window fully open, along with its French-glass window counterpart leading out to the fire exit ladder. Instinct had me look around for my laptop. It's the only thing that's got value which I keep in the house (next to my kids, of course!)... and I sighed with relief when I saw the bag lying around with the scattered toys of my kids.

The following day, I discussed security with my husband and mentioned his carelessness for not checking the windows prior to going out. He said he did. Maybe, the wind blew 'em. Then, our house helper saw a pair of worn tsinelas just below the fire exit. We had a visitor. But nothing was lost the last time we checked.

Prowlers at eight in the evening? Tsk tsk tsk.

Back in the City of my Youth

2008-04-25T18:18:00.001-07:00

Quezon City is it, I love it. Especially the SM-North Avenue, Timog, Quezon Avenue and Tomas Morato areas. More than anything else, it was the rock'n roll years of my life. It is where I found life as a rebellious youth, and when I left it like more than a decade back (when rave overtook the grunge era), a chapter of my life folded. I almost thought my life actually folded (had been contemplating hard about it those years). Heck, to keep on living, I made a 360 turn (I got married!). Between suicide and commitment, I've chosen the latter (I told you, I pray. OK, I am a self-confessed pagan-gypsy-punk, and most of the time, I still wonder why I pray, but I still pray). I married my best friend.

Sometimes, and until last night, he kept telling me I did not really love him (romantically, I guess. Maybe, I wasn't really a romantic person. So I told him "look at it this way: you're [---uh, I maybe nasty but I'm not sharing that bit in here ---] irresponsible, sadot, drunkard, blah-blah-blah. And I trust you with my children!" Of course that's an exaggeration. I trust him with my children a few hours a day, but that's the most of it. And I was open about being nasty...).

Anyway, as I was telling you, am back, like, in circulation. For a moment, I had to rein in my life and career and finances (had to throw 'em backseat to be a mother, and most of the time provider), and when I felt like I am ready to face my world, again, here I am.

Me having lunch with...

Tsinelas

2008-04-16T22:01:00.000-07:00

These feet necessities were previously looked down upon when used outside the house. IN the metro, it is usually the Ilocanos who roam around using their tsinelas on streets and in malls long before Yano made the single hit FM radio... they are basically a pair of old Beachwalk rubbers, soft and fits to the sole in time.

Today, every wannabe-fashionable wears tsinelas, flip-flops or havaiianas. And the price for the most ordinary pair has soared like a stalked endangered-species eagle... haay tsinelas...

Taking Shots

2008-04-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

Green on greens...

High Heeled shoes

2008-03-30T15:43:00.000-07:00

This is the reason why high-heeled shoes never really appealed to me:

Tide

2008-03-22T01:42:00.000-07:00

The past few years, Philippine television advertising is all about SMS loading, shampoo and detergent soap. And more recently, we noticed the ads of Tide, "Gulat ka 'no?" series. The Lito Lapid reenactment of the horse-dragged actor, and Nardong Putik (aka Ramon Revilla).

Husband said it reminds the Filipino how low they have been taken into for voting nincomps to gangland senado.

Told him it won't work. More than half the audience of television nowadays are either Kris Aquino haters or Korean telenovela enthusiasts. They don't have an inkling on what Tide wants them to know... He turned to our 19-year old helper, and she confirmed my suspicion, duh?

They know of the second gen honorables Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla instead.

We're cursed.

Senti

2008-02-29T17:35:00.000-08:00

...with un-sincere apologies to Yano's hit single.

I line-up at DFA (Department of Foreign Affairs) for my children's passports... and in the regional office (there are 12 regions in the Philippines), there are about several hundreds to thousands that day. It's an everyday scenery... It's very ordinary.

It wasn't for me.

Maybe, I was just being sentimental. I have never been. Never had been able to endure a tv soap for a minute... well, OK, I watched Flor de Luna but because it was the only television show watched by every household way back when I was 4 or 5.

It is not even near to reality that I would be leaving "ang bayan kong mahal" (as I blurted out too loud yesterday at the DFA, that a few heads actually turned to look at me) and already, I get too, stupidly sentimental... I'd miss all the dissin' I am doing. I'm gonna miss Philippine politics big time, our senators and our generals who'll remain to me nameless and faceless (except for a senadora or another senator, maybe) and shitty. I'd always savor fantasizing their demise. The demise of their entire clan... entire lot.

Earlier, I talked with Guerra... we shared experiences way back ---Gabriela, LFS --- the youth's wasted dreams... nationalism... land of our birth... It all seems to me very distant and alien now.

mt: ano, busy ka ba?
guerra: medyo busy ako today but i think i can hack it kasi tomorrow pa naman
mt: wait, Reg, me UST diploma ka ba?
guerra: wala, kukunin ko pa…bakit?
mt: me inaayos ako e
guerra: bakit ka natawa?
mt: ang kulit kc ng mr ko… sinabi ko nang wala kang diploma
guerra: pagkakakitaan ba yan?
mt: kc kelangan dun sa inaayos na papers namin, e, winala ko na sa akin…
guerra: ako rin I’ve to get one e
mt: sige, baka me lakad ka pa
guerra: oo punta ako DFA… sa lecheng passport nayun
mt: kami din, kasama namin anak ko ngayon e
guerra: mag thumb mark daw ako, e gusto ko maka alis ng maaga kasi may rally mamaya hapon sa makati, baka ma trap ako... nag aayos ka rin ng passport?
mt: mga bata na lang
guerra: bakit may balak ka umalis ng Pinas?
mt: oo e…ayoko sana, as much as possible... kaso me mga anak na ko e
guerra: i will support you. para sa mga bata
mt: alam ko rin naman sentiment mo
guerra: wag na para sa iyo. they will have a better future there.
guerra: yup i know. ikaw pa… basta wag mo pabayaan na makalimutan nila yung roots nila. yuy yung obligasyon mo pag natuloy kayo dun… ako, i am also considering. pero baka in a years time… pero kung mag tratrabaho ako , baka i try ko sa Singapore…para Asya pa rin… at madali umuwi
mt: wag dun
guerra: bakit?
mt: masahol pa sa 'tin mga Lee Kuan Yew
guerra: dami ko barkada sa gma na nandun na… ok naman sila… i actually have an on going application… i just dont know kung magiging maganda ang resulta
mt: kaso, iba ka e…baka me ma experience ka lang…about freedom of ek ek
guerra: oo… sabagay
mt: sabagay malapit lang umuwi pag nag "u" turn ka
guerra: hahaha!
guerra: pero dahil di ko "tinubuang lupa" yun, wala ako siguro masyado feelings.
mt: oo nga… magiging ano na tayo zombies
guerra: OFW-zombies…mwahahahahaha!
mt: for economic reasons
guerra: at yup… gusto ko lang naman mag retire pag 50 na ako at mamuhay sa probinsya ng may internet at dyaryo araw araw… at maraming pusa at aso… that's my dream
mt: sige na nga… na babaliw na naman ako
guerra: DFA here i come!
mt: world, here they come
guerra: hawakan mo mga anak mo!

I am still unsure what happens next... if our plan pushes through. If the West, the wild wild west, would be for us. Nevermind a welcome. I am not too eager, either. I love what I do right now. I enjoy what I have, the lives we have... despite the irritating senators and bidding issues we have. Well, like it's gonna be a long distance. I guess not anymore.

Search?

2008-02-29T17:19:00.000-08:00

Well, we have all benefitted on Yahoo! and Google. A few days or months back, we were told about Microsoft's move to buy Yahoo!. I just don't know if the deal's done. Next thing we know, the New York Times or the Rupert Murdoch group or groups or competitors or the media moguls would end up with just 2 giants competing over global peoples' attention and would "binopolise" (idk if I was the one coining this or somebody else already did or I am just being naive) the information industry. Vs Bill Gates. Great.

As I reviewed earlier, Google searched. Google has become a verb already, ages ago. Yahoo meant delivery of messages... for most of us who were not familiarized with Skype first. And yes, Yahoo! delivered.

Then, today, I got this Yahoo! email (above photo). And I thought, maybe, Microsoft has done it.

And we remain as spectators in the world of a few giants with one eyes.

They beat me!

2008-02-25T18:02:00.000-08:00

Not exactly. Lol. Check out this cool umbrella evolution. But honestly, I'd wait until it comes in "Made in China" in our shores. Sorry folks. Economic reasons.

Bitches

2008-02-23T01:03:00.000-08:00

About the freakin' email exchanges with some good girl classmate in college... Here's a segue chat with probably one of the more influential persons in my life: Let's call her Guerra...

guerra: ei you online

me : oi

guerra: na send ko na yung 9 pp

me: ok, check it later

guerra: yung review nung Blue tatapusin ko in a while

me: me pumasok pa ulit na bago, movie, i left offline messages

guerra: kuha ko na... monday?

me: oo, sige... mukang ngarag ka a? hehe

guerra: me shoot ako kanina.... raket

me: ayus, at least nababawasan time mong mag isip ng d maganda

guerra: haaay marge, hirap kumita ng datung! ito ang nakakaloka sa freelance no?

me: oo, hehe. kapalit ng kaunting kalayaan

guerra: kaya nga tanung ko sa sarili ko kanina, malaya nga ba ako? potah! sabi pala ni tekla, ang taray mo daw sa egroups... di daw nakaiimik si pam... hehehehe

me: kinalimutan ko na yon, nawalan tuloy ako ng gana pumunta... at least nakita na kita ulit

guerra: wag marge. punta tayo... wasakin natin sila... mwahahahahahaha!

me:lol

guerra: let's be the old nasty bitches

me: punta ba si Marc? si marc saka si tangke lang din gusto ko makita ulit

guerra: text ko si tanke

me: si marc, kunin ko email nya

guerra: naka attend ka na ba dati?... yung kiina ellag... yung ang kulit ni tanke... tapos sa makati kami ni glenda ... yung dumating si eddie daughter na may british accent tapos sa itallliannis na ka mahal mahal nag dinner ... lokang loka kami ni glenda sa kamahalan! muntik na ko tumambling... medyo OP nga ako dun per chika lang.

guerra: hallerrrrr

Un-learning

2008-02-23T00:38:00.000-08:00

A slow day today. A few days back, I was trying to find ways to create channels... Unfortunately, no matter how much I would like to avoid, I was again dealing with government people... lessons never learned.

If I had a choice, I would not want anything that has to do with government people, as if I was not a part of a government. If for the taxes taken from me from our everyday expenses made me a part of the government, I'd forget the food, electricity, and stuffs I spend hard-earned money on were ever taxed. Okay, I'd pretend.

But it's awful that information is still chanelled through these freakin' agencies. And that sometimes, as much as one would like to ignore these offices like some kind of a sidestreet slime, they just won't leave a poor soul alone... And one day, the Bureau of Internal Revenue people would come knockin' on our office doors, again, to demand abstract documents that were never substantiated.

Darn the taxes. Reminds me of the amazin' Nevada investor Howard Hughes, not Leonardo di Caprio, folks (no, I didn't see the movie)! I keep wondering how he evaded his taxes. I should start lookin' for the accountant now.

Me & Reunions

2008-02-21T02:00:00.000-08:00

I was the best son of my dad, in the wrong body. I can say this dilemma began when I started getting academic recognition. And worsen when I refused to have him support my college education because he did not permit me to take up a college course that would allow me a career with arms, ammunition and guts.

I ended up on another third choice. My second was the visual arts. I was a scholar of my (late) Uncle Ham and Auntie Lolet... and a visual arts course is just economically enormous.

So here I am. Blogging for my cause.

In college, I was overwhlemed to learn I belonged to a class of scholars, valedictorians and salutaturians. It was a journalism class from Asia's oldest university. Then, when I saw what my classmates wrote, I felt like a babe in New York. Or wherever writing culture is a natural phenomenon.

There was this certain girl in class whom I particularly liked because she had published short stories in a national weekly magazine. And she always made funny scenes with other classmates. I admired her since then. Just a few days ago, this respect and admiration I had for her collapsed when she sent a group-mail addressing me indirectly with a message that spells --- get down to what you want, "build it up and they will come." We were talking about a class reunion which I would attend for the first time... maybe. I cannot exactly recall.

When I retorted on the email "Who's you?" she sent back another email with a question "And who are you?"

Later that day, I had my bloody period. Explains my impulsive anger. Nevertheless, I sent an email in the group, apologising. I am not really bitchy with classmates. Especially those whom I admire. She accepted my apology... with a message that the damage is done.

What?

I always thought writers were sensitive. Now, I sent her a personal email asking if I had written anything offensive. She ignored it until today. The respect is gone. Very funny how some people actually believe they have a monopoly of the hurt threshold.

I feel paranoid, especially when I knew I meant well, but was perceived as the opposite. Maybe, I lack on some delivery skills... maybe, nevermind... It's her pedestal that crumbled. Nevermind if I was the fan.

Orient and Individualism

2008-01-31T14:01:00.000-08:00

The chances of personally examining west-east or the oriental and occidental has become a continuing occurence, due to economic reasons. Damn! But more importantly, due to the internet. Everyday, I get westerners greeting me... then, I read and write stuffs about limitations -- whose limitation was it?

I'd be lying if I'd say the orient.

I was made to believe the Chinese have the oldest civilization. And just accross the seas, I see China. And so, personally, I don't think I was spared of that ancient civilization.

Then it is inevitable to compare practices, social and personal. While I sometimes rebel on the paternal influence of the east, rallying on the rights of individuals, I always get comfort from the "family". I may be always amazed at how individual power could wreak major changes in the west, but often end up asking "aren't those barbaric acts that should be hidden and need to be forgotten fast?"

At most, I just end up laughing... cause it seems my western acquaintances need to learn much. lol

Happy

2008-01-29T17:11:00.000-08:00

Rare moments, I'd say... I am just overwhelmed... late tasks and threatened of once again deducted pays from the Ukrainians, I still feel ready to conquer my side of the world...

Finally reconsidering to try an exam at AIM... although I already feel qualified for a rank and file position at WTO, or IMF, or the Pentagon (haha!)

It could be that Paypal has recently opened its floodgates (OK, gateway) to Philippine business strugglers like me... after several losses and sleepless nights caused by Xoom... or that finally, after a short while of depression due to economic reasons, I had an answered prayer.

Ei, I pray... Do pray a lot. I am so much like your average agnostic punk, or gypsy, but I do acknowledge the presence of One that is above all these orderliness and chaos. Appreciate me or hate me, I don't care. One thing is for sure, I pray.

all natural

2008-01-23T04:13:00.000-08:00

It would not work with elegant, classic and fine ... yet, it reminds one of ol' gram'pa's hut and hooks ... I can actually hear grandma complaining about his hand-rolled cigar...

Still timeless with cottages, country-style living, and in bringing in the outdoors

Lol!

2008-01-08T20:02:00.000-08:00

In my consumer-happy days online, this is one of the best products I have yet encountered! Available at Poketo.

Of course, I have encountered a lot of made-in-China rip-offs that are as close to the original as you can get, you may even bet they are made in the same manufacturing plant off-Beijing, like the Manchester United labels I had to use in a bespoke essay (sheesh, talk about UK university 'lang).

review

2007-12-30T20:21:00.000-08:00

i always wanted to review like a bigtime. to earn big bucks. but i guess i can no longer put my brain to work on it as i am as sarcastic as the next loser beside you. 'cause maybe my life has gone so low (hah! who'se high? the Cypress hills!) and that the internet already has a lot of the best reviews for everything. so maybe, i'd review the stuffs i've done (another HAH!). as if i have done anything constructive.

yesterday, my landlord said that his other tenant school principal told him i was a "snake." 'cause instead of the DSWD (Social workers' office, dude), i took her battered stepson to the police (it was the new barangay captains' oath taking that morning and i was told the Cojuangco representative or something as twisted --- was officiating --- and i had to apply for a landline, and i was in a hurry! and nobody's in the government offices except the police) so they took photos all over the 4-year old and assured me they would take the child to the DSWD.

If you were to ask me, i want no child battered at all. or abused. well, my children aren't brought up perfect (their father speaks like a scum) and patience is an elusive virtue for me, so, they are a noisy, whimpering lot. i brought them up with 'free speech' as a basic part of their life...

anyway, so, i was a snake. and i have a hair strand of a control left before i contact the DWSD's office to press for charges against that principal suspect. so, now, i am reviewing what to do next. to become rich. heck! the hell with devils if i was a snake...

a lot

2007-12-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

I have a lot going... in my mind. it's keeping me awake all night... it's not funny and i want to stop but it won't leave me 'til it's done...

i don't live in my own house, so, it's not unpaid... it's not grand, it's just a home, where 3 kids do as they please 'til a mother freaks out... but at least, they can laugh and fight, and jump and jump and jump...

and play dora, and mario...nintendo.

we're drowning in a sea of toys made in china... i love china, cause it's old

and my mind won't stop, won't leave me at night...

Pinoy Comics Greats / Where are They Now?

2007-12-17T19:52:00.001-08:00

There had been what I'd personally call the Pinoy Comics golden era. It was a time when Graphic Arts Services, Inc (GASI) and Atlas comics magazines were the bestsellers among sidewalk newsstands. I was in elementary and my auntie Lita (Palpallatoc) bought loads of 'em Aliwan, Pinoy, Tagalog Classics, Wakasan, Lovelife... I've forgotten the rest). Her sister, my other aunt, auntie Ben (Tabalan) would hoard them to our neighborhood and we'd spend afternoons reading.

There had been a lot of great writers and illustrators I won't ever forget and wonder where they are now:

Illustrators:
Mar Santana
Louie & Joey Celerio (If it weren't for these duo, Gilda Olvidado or Helen Meriz novels might not have been taken shape --- they gave beauty and life to their character illustrations... and by the way, they are sons of our late National Artist musician Levi Celerio)
Karl Commendador (I still would like to believe he illustrated a Kamandag kind of character)
Hal Santiago (also a writer)

Writers/Authors:
Jim Fernandez
Carlo Caparas

I have to go... I want to inlcude the rest, but my mind is rusty. Just that I don;t want these thoughts get lost.

Floating

2007-12-07T18:11:00.001-08:00

Maybe I am lost. Not the AXN series, just floating in my own private space.

Foreign policy, marketing & economics

2007-12-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

Been reading and writing too much about foreign policy I am now convinced that in all of these modern day terrors we have, marketing has an answer: keep the arms trade going, or distribute basic goods efficiently, globally.

the answer will be decided on one word: profit.

I think i am getting better at economics! hah!

Ei, by the way, Robert Looney (US Middle East Economic Policy, 2002) quoted the US President, "We will defeat (the terrorists) by expanding and encouraging world trade."

Hurrah! for WTO!

NOTE: I've chosen wikipedia as the site link for WTO because in there, views are quite progressive. hip-hip...

Not Anymore

2007-11-30T16:59:00.000-08:00

Even though I was suicidal, that was an episode of my life... was. It's over. I am no longer allowed to even think about it.

But I just want to let people know that "suicide" or suicidals aren't funny, weird or anything. It is a fact of life. It happens. It is real. That suicidals are not just 'nuts' or any body one would look down at. Suicidals (I can't even use a 3rd person here, because that is HOW personal this is for me) are normal, they can feel, they can think, and just like anybody else who would want to really know what life is, what there is to receive or give.

Anyway now, here's the reason why I am not allowed to entertain suicide thoughts anymore...

Let's Talk About Suicide

2007-11-28T00:13:00.000-08:00

I guess I was in third year college at that time (in Asia's oldest university, catholic or otherwise) and it was Christmas vacation in school. I went "home" and was greeted by my dad with the entire CAFGU (remember the civilian vigilantes?) unit stationed in our area. They had been drinking, and apprently, my scandalous father had too much. He said something like I should not have gone home, or something.

My brother was graduating in secondary school, so, I reckoned I had to be there. I cannot exactly recall what the event was. Nevertheless, during the reception, I disappeared.

I used to be the "hostess" when there are poncionan in our old ancestral house. And that night, after everything's been taken cared by the rest of the clan, I was about to sleep when I was confronted by a furious father. Everything's blurry now... all I can recall is that I was poked with a handgun or something, and my life threatened as if I had a life back then.

After all is said and done, I had my mother at the receiving end, and a line of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody coming out of my lips. I had my old knapsack filled with clothes unsure what to do. Then I heard another threat on my life that if I would run away, I will be hunted.

Hehe.

So, I opened up the medicine cabinet, took the largest bottle out, and down everything on it with a hope that I would pass away peacefully, at last.

Darn, I didn't. That was my first attempt at the s word. My second attempt was also quite silly. But if provoking a certified liquidator is an attempt, then, I have done more than I should.

It was not the act, though. It was the persistent hell and purgatory prior to an attempt that actually hurt the most. And, I did not contemplate prior to the attempts. The attempts just happen.

So, you cannot really tell when an attempt is coming. Depression may be a sign... but the attempt is another thing.

Hard work & the Free Market

2007-11-26T20:13:00.000-08:00

I don't know if the past few days had proved to be a regression or enlightening (as in gaining wisdom)... While writing about "young angry Moslems" (in the words of Roy, Olivier, James Woolsey, John McCain, Tariq Ramadan and Benazir Bhutto, 2006 in “Terrorism Now,” NPQ Spring), I have come to appreciate the little joys that western commercialism brought, aside of course what I and Tinding Balasubas have elevated as Levi's 501 as the only legacy of US to the world (hehe --- cut that little knowledge is danger crap!)...

Okay... maybe it was because...

Due to some twisted fate, I have to write about Pablo Picasso's “Femme couchée lisant”.

I never appreciated any of Picasso's works. And when this time has come when economic instablity left me without choice but get to know the artist, I found out how hardworking he had been so that in my own interpretation and ignorance, I concluded he was one of the greatest enterpreneur artists ever. Yep yep, entrepreneur.

So now, I thought maybe, anybody could just keep on working good and it will just catch up one day, or two. Hah!

Ignorance

2007-11-12T04:01:00.000-08:00

is bliss... whoever immortalized this line is right...

I feel fucked-up just now. I feel like I'd want to drown in margarita... only, nobody's serving margarita within the next 100 kilometers to where I am...

I feel like I want to get lost in a bar... only, there are just girlie and videoke bars nearby...

I want to laugh it all out, only I don't have anyone to laugh with...

I miss those days when I'd laugh like an idiot with someone who'll also laugh like an idiot with me, for nothing. You know, your eyes meet and the joke is sent and you just laugh it all out with or without a punch line. The eye contact is the punch line.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Never Mind

2007-11-12T00:16:00.000-08:00

Quote for today:
nothing left
in my right brain
nothing right
in my left brain

My Veg Garden & Desert Landscaping

2007-11-11T03:07:00.000-08:00

While passing by Maharlika Highway, the husband was amazed with the road side plants of a barangay for he thought those were royal palm trees. It has been a passion of many LGU landscape artists (cut the crap, it's just the contractors, darn!) for quite sometime now to dot plazas and town hall front lawns with the apparently imported and luxurious desert palm tree.

I was amused, though, when it turned out the palm trees he was referring were what my dad calls "bua tsina" roughly translated Chinese betel nut palm tree... which I found as more practical because it was so easy to grow and propagate... besides having decorative red betel nuts when ripened...

Photo above are my kids in an alternative bath ritual (when dealing with rituals, variety makes 'em move fast --- otherwise, I'd hear moans, complaints, delaying tactics, or just ignored) at my backyard vegetable garden. I have been quite a gardener, too. Back in my old hut in Ilocos, I actually started a Japanese zen/stone garden which am sure has gone to the weeds now. We were brought up planting. I still remember I and my brod Eugene (or Clawi) had been planting since we were like seven years old, tending several mango seedling varieties, anahaw, and other ornamental plants.

Claw has kept the family house, and by its present state (above), you'd say I am quite obvious, as he has only maintained the outside garden (not the house!)

In Seach of the Perfect Dentist

2007-11-09T20:00:00.000-08:00

When I was in gradeschool (St. Paul College in Vigan's Heritage Village), during a dental check-up, the dentist announced I have to have all my teeth removed, or I will have a poisoned blood.

It was such a shocking revelation I nagged my mom non-stop once I got home. So we went and see newly relocated dentist couples Drs. Momong & Annie Tabasan. They were not as alarming: just a vitamin C supplement needed.

And so, my affair with the dentist began. I contrinued a yearly visit as much as possible, for in this country, dentists are not such a requirement for basic living, nor are permament teeth. It has become very usual to see teens wearing dentures or false teeths like it were some kind of a status symbol. But I was not amused at that early age: the face gets distorted, the upper or lower lips sunken, and not to mention the horror (or laughter) when they had to take it of. I was a budding joker and I would not trade status symbol with jokes on me. No way, boy!

The first time I lost a tooth was a week after I had my annual dental visit, while I was working for an encyclopedia project at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. The previous week where I had my teeth cleansed and all, the female dentist was praising me for being able to keep all my teeth intact, no cavities and all that. But one day after the visit, my gum has swollen and had to return to the same dentist who announced she had to pull out one tooth, despite the fact that she cannot find anything wrong with it except that my gum has swollen.

For years, I had to struggle with that rationale: once my gum starts swelling, I would need to visit the dentist. I've had several dentists. I kept on jumping from one to another until one dentist recommended Gumtect by Lamoiyan Corporation, a Philippine company.

The day after that visit, however, I had my gum swollen again, so this time, instead of returning to the same dentist, I found Dr. Gabrillo's along Maharlika Highway. Dr Gabrillo is pretty, and more importantly, single. But the best is yet to come. She announced my teeth were not properly cleansed, I would need several visit with her for the cleaning since my gums are not in the best of condition. But yes, she also recommends Gumtect.

After the first series with Dr. Gabrillo, and a few days after that, there is definitely an improvement on my gums. I dreaded the visit with her for normal reasons: the monstrous gadgets that gnash the teeth to the bones (that tingling pain sensation that crawls from the tooth in contact with the laser-whatever down to the smallest bone in your body ------ AAAARGH), but for a better smile, to hell with gnashing of teeth!

Gumtect and the perfect dentist worked! Thanks heavens for the prescription, and for finding the perfect dentist.

The Simple Life

2007-11-09T04:15:00.000-08:00

In this world of made-in-China, simplicity has been thrown out by even many of us poor folks down the window to decompose (and probably mutate into something more practical... someday).

Only, thrash of piled plastic bags and half-broken containers caught it, so it would not touch the soil of biodegradables... suspended and probably to be sold for recycling, and end up as a hardy park bench sold by environment-friendly corporations that employ underpaid, overworked minimally educated commoners, that maintain aristocracy and third-world economies...and first world luxuries...

Yeah, been reading and writing about sustainable environment and ecology once again... prostitution writing if you please.

But it was the family of a tricycle driver plying the Highway of Maharlika in our area that has caught me this time.

Why do I need to, say, aspire a New York Times-whatever... work overseas or write a book --- that would be reviewed into smithereens of dirt by the bigwigs of hype?

I look at them --- tricycles being the version of cab or taxi in world cities --- the driver, with his wife and child of about one year behind him in their Yamaha or Suzuki bike with a sidecar where I sit, and I ended up envious of the contentment I see in their faces.

And then, I get to our house, and see my kids, without cares in this world as kids should be (except that they have started to notice Christmas ornaments everywhere and started asking when Christmas starts), and I said to myself, I guess, I too, am content. And happy with them.

But reality has another face. Bills and loans to pay, more bills to come, and more school demands to deal with in order to make these contented children become Charles Darwin's fitter or fittest species... competitive and even winners in a world of materialism... and consumption. Would they survive?

Lately, it has been my fascination to watch people lined up or sitting or inside banks. I noticed, everybody else was overweight (including me!!!) and in my mind, I was shaking my head with pity. Would they spend a portion of their remittance dollars if I told them we could do something to keep diabetes or obesity-related diseases away?

While my husband in another corner is wondering whether the sender is a nurse, a caregiver, or a seaman. Or thinking about the characters of Ocean's 11 or 12, or any of those great thieves glorified in Hollywood films... grinning to himself how easy it would be to hijack establishments.

Aaaah, simplicity. So near and yet so far... I'd just probably end up sitting on it at the park, someday.

Courtship Gifts Revisited

2007-11-06T03:59:00.000-08:00

I've been a little upset about losing my Derwent and Faber Castel water colour pencil sets: yup, two of them. It was the only gift I have kept and treasured from my hubby and these had been with me through thick and thin, all my gypsy life as a mother (and ugh- wife). I've lost all my antique Mad hard bound book collection and beer books (signed Alan Eames, Michael Jackson, Beer magazines, etc), and all precious metal accessories I've ever received... but these water colour sets actually gave me a dent I still haven't given up lookin' for them.

Water color is not my medium, as I fared better with cheap Guitar oils... but the translucent as well as light finish of every water color painting always captivates me to continue trying. Sad thing I cannot share any finished work as most I've done were mix media of natural dried flora and water colour on stationery or recycled paper... also lost in transit (the disadvantage of being a gypsy).

I had been planning to do some collage and mix media art lately, and then, the discovery of the loss. I hate this...

***
Two days ago, we celebrated hubby's natal day at Greenwich... with a combo meal for 6 (just the whole family). And while the kids and us released the glutton in each of us, we were only able to finish about half the package for the equivalent of US$12. Then, another $12 for the beer and pulutan later on... About $25 all in all. We both admitted this is life! Hah!
***

Later that night, drunk and tipsy, he recalled a gift he gave me when he was still courting me... some 13 years back? A veinte nueve (folding/pocket-knife), which, according to him was specially picked for him by his friend who bought the knife abroad. I hardly remember it, but I do remember he gave me me a veinte nueve. It was not the first time I was given a knife, though. It was like... the third. When I was still in elementary, I can remember Manong Baldo (considered the youngest in my dad's family) given me one, and a classmate gave me another when I was in high school. I would have preferred something else, though. I don't know why I was given such deadly weapons... when I kept a solid metal padlock in my school bag as a weapon of choice... well, later on, somebody gave me a golf club, and for a time, it was my hidden weapon beneath my bed... when I was still single.

Hubby had some kind of nostalgia trip that night, telling me that his friend actually told him, "This will be (like) your life..." referring to the gift. Then, he gave it to me --- which he said, he can remember as a symbolism of giving himself (his life) to me (ugh!!!). Since I cannot exactly remember that particular gift, he described it as having a fan-like sheath of etched gold-plated dragon, which he said was beautiful. He had expected me to keep and treasure it. And he said he had been disappointed when after a few days, I told him I gave it to somebody else...

Well, it might be careless of me, but I usually do not keep gifts which I find of no personal use or would treasure. I do appreciate gifts a lot, but I hardly keep material things if I find some people would need it, or have a better use for it, and ask me to have them...

But for now, let me wallow in mild depression for losing my water colour sets. I still have the three Japanese brushes, though... So, I am still hopeful.

quote of the day

2007-11-01T01:50:00.000-07:00

If I won't be posting personal blahs, I'd quote...

For today:

"Getting and spending have been the most passionate, and often the most imaginative endeavors of modern life."
James B. Twitchell
In Praise of Consumerism

Damned this keyboard... need to buy 3... these stuffs have 1 year warranty, with stickers and all. But retailers never replace them... The brands: A4 Tech, Viper & Intex. The warranties are not yet expired. But just the same, the retailers won't replace them. I wonder what the warranty stickers are for...

Suicidal, Part Two: Signs the Experts DO NOT KNOW

2007-10-24T01:29:00.000-07:00

I have been reading about signs of a suicidal, and it was quite far from reality:

"-- Changed eating and sleeping habits
-- Withdrawal from friends, family and regular activities; loss of interest in pleasurable activities
-- Violent, rebellious behavior or running away
-- Drug and alcohol use
-- Unusual neglect of personal appearance
-- Marked personality change
-- Persistent boredom, difficulty concentrating or decline in quality of schoolwork
-- Frequent physical complaints that could be related to emotions -- such as stomach ache, headache, fatigue
-- Not tolerating praise or rewards; complaints of being a bad person or feeling rotten inside
-- Verbal hints such as "I won't be a problem for you much longer," "Nothing matters," "It's no use" or "I won't see you again"
-- Putting affairs in order, such as giving away favorite possessions
-- Becoming suddenly cheerful after a period of depression
-- Hallucinations, bizarre thoughts, other signs of psychosis"
Source: American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

But I'd say again, it's not even near.

A person who who is suicidal starts up with a problem where he or she seem not to have relevance to other people.

They often lead very normal lives.
Though they can be depressed at times, they try to hide it from people, but they do not make it obvious they are hiding something.
They lack presence of mind, sometimes.
They stare at a distance.
They sigh a lot.
It is quite difficult to make them talk.
They would rather listen to a favorite music.

Suicidals can get over it. But it's the triggers that are really the big problems. Unexplained death or cause of melancholy among OTHER people they know or even just acquaintances. Or even just deaths in Iraq. The feeling that no one DEPENDS on them about anything at all.

Suicidals need to be felt THEY ARE NEEDED. Just any way.

Elections Up Close & Personal

2007-10-22T00:05:00.000-07:00

In the upcoming barangay elections, the second to the smallest political unit in the Philippines, (the first being the family), one gets a more personal view of the "lure" of politics.

First off, I'd say it has become a way of socializing for most election-seekers. They get to go out and meet their neighbors (for the first time, or the nth time), share blessings courtesy of some of the 13 million or so overseas Filipino workers scattered around the globe (most of the time). Why socializing? They meet people whom one would not have a chance meeting any other way. I mean, outside Metro Cebu, Metro Baguio and Metro Manila, there seem to be a dearth of social establishments or social activities aside from politically-related ones like elections. Blessings shared are spelled "ginebra" bottles, pulutan, Zesto juice drinks, candies, biscuits or crackers, etc.

Another reason is of course has something to do with attention and the 15-minute shot at stardom, or as one showbiz writer put it, "politics is the showbiz for the ugly." Shucks. So true political reporters would feast on semi-looker like Chiz Escudero (another shucks!) when he only had to mumble press releases... I'd have to keep this in mind in case an urge to run for public office is a temptation hard to resist. Darn attention! I'd take Friendster for now.

There they are candidates, or their their friends, relatives or minions vandalizing walls, sticking their fat faces on any vacant flat surface they could find. And they are indeed having fun doing it. Went as far as having computer-generated print on tarpaulin posters with their showbiz grin plastered like the politican they should. And reading some fliers or posters for the Sangguniang Kabataan candidates really made me flinch and recall the words of near famous local politician, "So young and so corrupt."

Not that I have no politics in my blood. Hell, I do. Very embarassing, indeed. In fact, there was a time in my life I was so poor my dad suspected I received a few hundred bucks to vote for some politicians (opposition, lol!). The cheapest, most libelous, very degrading accusation I ever got in my entire life! But coming from my father, he's the most scandalous person we've ever met (me & my siblings) anyway, so, it actually meant to be very funny. I actually roared.

Anyway, my brother is in politics. And sorry to disappoint the ugly, he's goodlooking he was once scouted to become a movie actor but declined because the recruiting director is gay. And also, my dad is in politics. But he has not used fliers and posters yet. It has something to do with the Mafias. Or ask me.

Suicide Prevention

2007-10-17T00:50:00.000-07:00

Like it could be possible. It is possible. Although when I am on it (depressed, and hopeless most probably), there's no stopping it. OK, how should I know? I attempted suicide twice, and failed. Was I glad for the failure? I could not say just yet, but I am sure I would try my best not to have an attempt ever again, as of this sane moment.

And it now alarms me, not as much as a statistics stuff but as a reformist, a traitor, cured or sober. Whatever.

What could be done at all? If you are the suicidal, maybe, you could contact me. I don't know much, really... Just that I had been there and I know it is such a lonesome moment, something you wish you could just delete and forget. It's about the feeling of nothingness. You've been down, and you think it will either get lower, or worst. It's a drag... a nightmare, and you're the victim... You wish to talk, e-mail me. Set up a schedule, and we'll have a chat.

Then, if you know someone who is suicidal and would like to help, you could start by hanging around that someone. You don't need to press him /her to talk. Maybe, you could ask him to join you do something. Like watch a Donald Duck series, or Pingu. If you have resources, have a few spare food or bucks, the best thing to do is go to some very depressed area and invite an urchin, a beggar, a pauper to join you for a walk, or a meal. Let your new friend talk. Ask questions. Make other people happy. Divert the focus on the other person, away from your miserable friend. A few bucks, a pack of food, any useful material thing you give away to cheer other people could put hope, no matter how small, to your depressed buddy.

But talking about "facing reality", normal friend does not work. Believe me. Depressed people know more about the ugly reality than you could ever imagine... And it's reality that is unbearable. Thing is, show him how one little act could make a difference in life. Because most often than not, manic depressives (many suicidals) see there's no point in going on with breathing (life), so, if you want to help, it's your duty to show him, indirectly, that if a suicidal no longer find any meaning for his life, he could at least make other's lives a bit better.

Tell him, Judas Iscariot was not depressed. He was the first of dignified middleclass businessmen... Or whatever.

p.s.

I don't know how I ended up writing this... I've read about the suicide trivia a few weeks back, and I am currently writing about US minimum wage, so I just could not figure it out. But then, I don't have to.

Dusk

2007-10-15T00:07:00.000-07:00

Back to photography again... During and after my college days (where we had a photo-journalism class), I used to spend much on film and photo developing. But now that the manual age is over, I might now start posting experimental pics here... Although I still miss the way a Pentax, a Cannon or a Minolta manipulate an image, all manually with a few skills learned...

Here's an afternoon view from our office...

Del Dente is Freakin' Me

2007-10-11T23:23:00.000-07:00

I am not friggin' registered with the National Statistics Office. For the moment, I do not exist! I don't know if this is supposed to be good or bad.
And here I am, staring at Del Dente's menu wondering when on earth could I savour their fettucine de mare... or chicken souvlaki skewers... I just would have to wait. Patience is my virtue... patience is my virtue... patience...is...

SMS SOS

2007-10-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Been exchanging short messages with my youngest sis who's been working as a sales lady, OK, a marketing executive, for a while. It's the "...ber" months, and her work is about selling future markets to Chinese businessmen in the Binondo area where most made-it Chinese reside and hang out.

Seems the days for her had been slow as "punta Tsina bili benta pang-Pasko" (roughly translated as: "Sorry, we're investing next time. Am headed to China to buy stocks for Christmas sale," answers to her proposals had been Badz' excuse for a need to bond.

We're not an ideal family, far from it. We're despised and hated. Especially us, the kids, of a local untouchable. But it is not like we're gonna play with other people's drama when we have loads of actions going on in our own psychotic life.

But we do bond. Like it was supposed to be a family. Anyway, in my dreams, my uncle Ham and Auntie Lolet (who had been parents for me for a decade or so) were always with me, as much as my Nanang Pilang. But we're a very close knit of a family as we cousins still make it a point to meet and exchange laughter, once in a while.

"Kelan ka luwas ng Manila? Pressured din ako e. Ikaw, hindi nape-pressure, hawaan mo 'ko, dali!" she sent. And she added, "Ano kaya, mag-apply ako sa government (office)?"

Of course, this has been an old sibling joke, about working with the government, but we (the whole family, darn!) have all worked with the government... and I don't know if it was supposed to be still a joke.

Previously, she had been asking that I find a way we migrate to another country. Hubby send her back a text message suggesting Africa, they'd probably make her a local queen. Or goddess. lol!

The wish to get out of this corruption-laden land... As if all the pop jokes on television could dampen the diaspora of millions of Filipinos. There was a time in my life that I resolved to get out of this land only as a tourist for another country. It's made to be broken now as my children grow, and their needs must be met.

Darn. I also get pressured. Only, as I have written elsewhere, I escape reality once in a while. Madness is not always bad.

Not Poems

2007-10-03T04:11:00.000-07:00

No, some entries posted here are not poems, as much as I would like to try. Just some group of words that accidentally wish to mean something. Darn!

And then it Happens...

2007-10-03T03:23:00.000-07:00

A lot of things happen.

Nobody notices.

A lot of words are said and written. And nobody reads, and nobody hears.

And then, I met someone who listened for a fleeting moment. Maybe, it was just pretense.

But I feel like I already want and could sleep peacefully beside him forever ... for whatever reason...

I cry endlessly just to think it might never happen in my lifetime...

For now... Sometimes, I just have to leave the present, in order to survive today.

I'd Keep my Knight

2007-10-01T23:57:00.000-07:00

Are we still playing chess or checkers?
Has the game ended... or just started?
With you dealing with another player
And yet we're playing chess, I'd pretend.

I'd deliver all my pawns,
My bishop, my rook and the queen
When there's nothing left except for the knight
Then it's time for me to give up.

I'd keep my knight for when it's done
I'd pretend t'was you saving me again
It didn't need an armour shining
But just a leap to keep me playing.

Built Environment: The Rarities

2007-09-29T04:31:00.000-07:00

Having a camera once again has revived one of my other passions: photography. But I am such an idiot with non-manual cameras, I only keep on pressing the shoot button. I have seen some interesting built environment lately, and would like to share here. One's the Princess Refreshment, and the other is Castaway Bed & Breakfast, both found along Maharlika Highway, Rosario, La Union.

Princess Refreshment has pan-aw roofs making it very inviting for travellers for a quick snack or meal. It can be found near the boundary going to Baguio, before the entry to McArthur Highway, or is that Kennon Road? Correct me, please.

Castaway, on the other, is found after the Rosario town proper (for Laoag-bound travellers) before Amianan Motors or Hyundai La Union. I find its Cafe Margarita's capiz windows interesting although the exterior plants that dot the entrance has a refreshing appeal, too. Inside, one can find country-inspired table settings and a huge collection of jars and china wares for sale, I guess. Their cottages, too, we're quite inviting for those who may want to spend the night just beside the highway. Very Mediterranean.

As I blogged earlier, I am posting hard to-find but appropriate houses or buildings in the Philippines which Filipinos in this country might find as an inspiration for a better alternative for their mini-castles or winter houses that cramp neighborhood corners and make up unsightly collage.

Architecture and design magazines and glosies are selling like hotcakes in this country, so, no wonder, western design houses proliferate like a nice dream of winter and fall in cities and countrysides, only, we never see snow around here. Just many flash floods and 90% summer all year round.

Next time, I'd post Picasso-inspired collages in these pages... you'd actually want to run for cover. Dang!

The Pingu Show

2007-09-29T04:14:00.000-07:00

A good sleep for me has been very elusive for several years, but recently, it's been one of my most treasured experiences I am very grateful of. There could be a lot of reasons, but it must be the slowing down and the Pinggu show. lol

Some of the advantages of having children around is being updated on really good stuffs on television that could have been otherwise totally undiscovered. Viewing Pingu makes one appreciate the simple good things in life money can't buy. Like the rare and elusive sleep many adults crave for... in vain. I should know, I was an insomniac, once for about 100 years.

Life of an Addict

2007-09-27T01:49:00.000-07:00

Anybody could be addicted to anything at all. And I happened to be extremely attached to work... and I've got some, or a hell lot of it... I am extremely glad I have begun sleeping well and dream normally about buko juice and dead relatives and still remember some after I wake up.

It could be that I am now starting to do things that I really love doing and stress had been released elsewhere between writing, and conceptualizing some marketing gimmicks or new projects... Boy, this is life... to think that a few years back, I had been wasting my time contemplating why I was not even allowed to entertain suicide thoughts.

However, the kind of jobs I've got entails travel and use of gadgets: two of my waterloos, and I've had several. I had to use a digicam and I cannot even distinguish the on and off button from a port. And I'd never ever appreciate the smell of fake leather, lysol and car air freshener in my entire life. The moment I board on a car or bus and see the moving roads flashing sceneries, and smell vehicle interiors, my mind automatically blocks my nerves in order to numb incoming information, or however experimental psychologists call it. I hate to travel, but I like discovering new things, man made or otherwise... so I take bonamine tablets... And click the camera however it goes.

I now begin to wonder why work had never been compared to the act of doing sex. Fulfilling tasks, I propose, and would like to argue, is better than orgasm. Oh, yes, I'm an addict.

Pony

2007-09-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

The Pony (am I spelling it right?) ad reminds me of a lot of things "Let's get it on!" UGH! ... but then, Nike reminds me more of one thing, "Just do." I guess I have decided firmly today to just do whatever it is that I need to do.

Mighty glad I had been quite patient (although this is a newly acquired virtue and it has taken a toll on me just to get some).

Different

2007-09-13T03:58:00.000-07:00

Tama si Jeff. Bago na ang lahat. Back then, pwede ako mag-disappear any time. Di ko ginawa. Na-gin-bulag, di naman ako umiinom ng gin. Beer lang... Bad trip.

And you can't even say "I wish I could turn back the clock."

It's just too much. Because it just is not.

Could not.

Not.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Plane

2007-09-13T03:49:00.000-07:00

"I'm on a plane... and I can't complain."

I'm lost like a lithe bird feather blown by the slightest of wind. This life of 104 is getting me nowhere and yet, I have to keep breathing because I am a mother. Darn. Okay, all I need to do is look into my children's eyes and join them in their laughter... and I'd sing an out-of-tune alice-in-chains meller... This will keep me going for now. But without them, at work, which occupies most of my time these days, there's nothing but a wide space of stare... creepy and foul.

Heaven have mercy!

Reckoning, the Administration & Senate Moro-moro

2007-09-11T01:33:00.000-07:00

A few days back, my dad, with LGU MPDC Dario Tacad, Nalasin kapitan Jun and dad's loyalist Rudy Tabilin dropped by... I have blogged earlier me and dad's disparities of sort.

It's been a few months back when we actually reconciled, when he visited us and took us for an excursion at the other side of Luzon island I actually have forgotten the place...

Everybody must be getting old there's the need for reconciliation and leaving behind what's done and over with.

And we had a talk about their local affairs, of an international award-giving body's letter for their squash-canton which has received a recognition and the hundreds of euros needed to fund the confirmation alone... He said he will send to me the letter. I might publish it in my other blog and rap about award-giving bodies and the shitty surveys that went behind some of them.

It's a difficult time... we had a little chat about dying young soldiers, election phone scams and drug kingpin scumbags...

You get older, you get somber. And not that my dad (smalltime as he is) is allied with the administration but these senate moro-moros already reached a point beyond amusing. It has become downright irritating. Old men engaged in gossips that has nothing to do with upgrading the lives of 90% of their electorate.

If you get down to it, the Philippine senate has become a rumor-mongering body, as one showbiz writer has put it: showbiz for ugly people. The senate and the congress must be eliminated and the government must increasese quality and salary of teachers, the armed forces, and all its department, instead of wasting pork barrel among old, wannabe-stars. Except of course for the President that never took her seat Mirriam Santiago, I have nothing going for the rest.

When 'D Past Catches Up

2007-08-16T02:24:00.000-07:00

Recently, I got connected with people from my second life... as a rock journalist (ugh, dream on!)... I got hitched with bands but we never made it to become almost famous, darn!

Here are excerpts of our chat. The band they belong to, they used to call dRone. No, not Lucidblur, the latter covered drone's "Pekeng Lacoste" (harharhar!)... Here's Derrick (vox, keyboards) & Jeff (vox, lead guitar, sometimes, keyboards, too):

mtbmug: online ka?
Derrick Chong: yup
Derrick Chong: howdi
Derrick Chong: kakauwi langnamin
mtbmug: eto
Derrick Chong: nagtreat friend ko bday niya
Derrick Chong: normal ka na
mtbmug: haha, asan ka, kauwi mo lang
Derrick Chong: yup we ate in an indian resto
Derrick Chong: amoy curry ako ngayon
Derrick Chong: pati kili kili ko
mtbmug: hehe! amoy insiano!
Derrick Chong: oo
Derrick Chong: anung ginagawa mo
Derrick Chong: can't go tobed pa busopg sobra
mtbmug: nag-aayos ng research proposal
Derrick Chong: research ng
mtbmug: eto tobacco intervention sa pinas
mtbmug: me cam ka? pa view
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: wala eh
Derrick Chong: low texh
Derrick Chong: tech
Derrick Chong: ayoko maghubad.. huwag po
mtbmug: U-LOLbat mo nasabi normal na ulit ako.
mtbmug: 呵...哈哈哈！(倒頭大笑)
Derrick Chong: nanay ka na eh
mtbmug: (吹笛聲)......呵呵啊喝！
Derrick Chong: 加油喔！
Derrick Chong: nagauaudible ka na rin
Derrick Chong: normal ka na nga
mtbmug: TAGAL NA
mtbmug: hehe! ikaw
Derrick Chong: normal namantalaga ako
mtbmug: bat parang defensive ka?
mtbmug: ind k normal! artist ka!
Derrick Chong: oo nga kasi feeling ko lang normal ako
Derrick Chong: nabasa ko ibang blog mo
Derrick Chong: interesting..
mtbmug: ano meron? ganun lang
Derrick Chong: kala ko nahgmomolest ka nga mga batang kano
Derrick Chong: let me see your boobs. lol
mtbmug: haha! ako minomolest ng mga bata!
Derrick Chong: dapat sabihin mo let me see yours muna
mtbmug: haha!
mtbmug: baliw!
mtbmug: gawa ako ng book, kaya ganun! lol
Derrick Chong: kelan matatapos book mo
mtbmug: di ko alam. pag me nabuong kwento/sense sa pagcha-chat ko
mtbmug: as if
Derrick Chong: haha
mtbmug: bat robot avatar mo?
Derrick Chong: alam mo nainspire mo uli ako magcompose.. hehe
Derrick Chong: transformers
Derrick Chong: hehe
mtbmug: ako din, saya ko nung ma-ka-chat ko kay
Derrick Chong: really.
mtbmug: oo no. kakaboring d2!
Derrick Chong: excited din ako.. nakuwento ko sa lahat ng friends ko dito
Derrick Chong: ilocus
Derrick Chong: ilocos
mtbmug: ende, pangasinan. pero just 3 hrs to QC
Derrick Chong: bakit 3 hrs
mtbmug: as in 24 hrs anytime, me viaje
Derrick Chong: by boat
mtbmug: tabi lang kami ng hiway
Derrick Chong: ic
mtbmug: kaso, walang music, walang culture, walang inuman!
Derrick Chong: talaga.. boring nga
Derrick Chong: asan na lyrics ko lol
mtbmug: buti me Yahoo launchcast
Derrick Chong: bukas pwed ako magcompose. sunday
Derrick Chong: may mga bago ako kilala artist
Derrick Chong: magugustuhan mo
mtbmug: wait ka muna, me nag-share s kin ng anoparang tugtog nu non
Derrick Chong: kilala mo si joshua radin
Derrick Chong: anu?
Derrick Chong: may bago ako sa site ko
mtbmug: parang. share ko s u
Derrick Chong: cge
Derrick Chong: try mo joshua radin and chris garneau
Derrick Chong: grabe lungkot
mtbmug: eh. hehe
mtbmug: masaya nga ako e
Derrick Chong: ay oo nga pala normal ka na pala
Derrick Chong: try mo si ashlee simpson
mtbmug: eeh
mtbmug: na meet ko din sa Y!rock
Derrick Chong: really
Derrick Chong: base dito?
mtbmug: oo ata
mtbmug: me mga nagba-banda ako na-meet sa Y! rock, meron pa Christian na band
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: uso din kasi dito christian rock
Derrick Chong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5SzhdOU-qY
mtbmug: sa u?
Derrick Chong: pakinggan mo eto
Derrick Chong: chris garneau
Derrick Chong: ipaste ko rin yung sa akin
Derrick Chong: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=139747167
Derrick Chong: third song Denied title
mtbmug: hehe, access denied
Derrick Chong: di pa rin tapos
Derrick Chong: saan?
Derrick Chong: access denied
mtbmug: post ko chat natin ha?
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: saan?
Derrick Chong: oks lang
mtbmug: blog ko
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: oks
Derrick Chong: san ka access denied
mtbmug: title ng song... Denied
Derrick Chong: yup
mtbmug: parang an'sakit na naman!
Derrick Chong: hindi naman
Derrick Chong: haha
Derrick Chong: pinapakinggan mo?
mtbmug: yong una, garneu
Derrick Chong: chris garneau.. galing no?
mtbmug: wait nag babasa p lng
Derrick Chong: ok
Derrick Chong: mabagal daw youtube dyan sabi sis ko
mtbmug: oo,
Derrick Chong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXu3WafBt6I
Derrick Chong: eto joshua radin oks din
mtbmug: unahin ko s u
Derrick Chong: ikaw bahal.. lol
Derrick Chong: napasok mo site?
Derrick Chong: i think you can click pause sa youtube and wait for it to download ..
mtbmug: yong post ni fockfash
Derrick Chong: oks etong kanta
Derrick Chong: anung fockfash
mtbmug: pa paste uli yong s u para ma-save ko
mtbmug: dun na b lahat?
Derrick Chong: ok
Derrick Chong: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=139747167
Derrick Chong: yung 2 songs na pinarinig ko sa yo then may bago
Derrick Chong: oks yung sinend mo sa akin '
mtbmug: good, sige, try ko magsulat ng words
Derrick Chong: yehey
Derrick Chong: im excited
Derrick Chong: para akong bata feeling ko
mtbmug: hehe, as if. kaso, di ako ma-words. para akong K*** C*, malaro sa konting words
mtbmug: pag lyrics
Derrick Chong: yun nga ang gusto ko
mtbmug: i'll try to recall old poems ko, kc di na ko poet ngayon e. lol
Derrick Chong: usually mga words mo simple pero magiisip ka
mtbmug: ganun?
Derrick Chong: parang after 2 seconds parang huh?
Derrick Chong: oo
mtbmug: salamat.
mtbmug: for many years, ngayon lang ulit me naka-appreciate sa "talent" ko. hehe
Derrick Chong: are u serious
mtbmug: oo nga
Derrick Chong: madness can be good sometimes
Derrick Chong: like me
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: i'm mad but i'm good
Derrick Chong: lol
mtbmug: tama
mtbmug: kanya-kanyang outlet
Derrick Chong: being normal can be weird sometimes
Derrick Chong: like you
Derrick Chong: lol
mtbmug: 呵...哈哈哈！(倒頭大笑)
Derrick Chong: bakit chinese ginagamit mo
mtbmug: e yon ang Taiwan audibles e
Derrick Chong: indian kaya
mtbmug: oi, lam mo, panganay na anak ko, gustong matutong magsalita ng Chinese
Derrick Chong: tamme kya jaocho manne chodi ne....?
Derrick Chong: talaga
Derrick Chong: paaralin mo
Derrick Chong: most spoken language na chinese ngayon
mtbmug: oo, matagal na akong kinukulit, wala naman ako pera no!
Derrick Chong: dito nasa news isang araw
Derrick Chong: pati mga kano tinuturo na sa school
Derrick Chong: hehe
Derrick Chong: mahal na school dyan no
mtbmug: pano, lahat na ng produkto, made in china
Derrick Chong: oo nga
mtbmug: oo, mahal
Derrick Chong: how much na college ngayon \
Derrick Chong: dati i remembered 4000 lang
mtbmug: mga 20 something
Derrick Chong: ata per sem
Derrick Chong: wow
Derrick Chong: grabe
mtbmug: oo, wla naman natututunan
Derrick Chong: sino pa makakaafford
mtbmug: mga me abroad
Derrick Chong: malamng
Derrick Chong: di mo naisip mag abroad ?
mtbmug: di ko alam kung ano talent ko na pwede...
mtbmug: parang art theraphy sigurp
Derrick Chong: meron kasi extraordinary talent na green card application alam ko
mtbmug: pwede na kaya ako mag-abroad... as art therapist
Derrick Chong: art therapist?
mtbmug: oo. hehe, wish n lang ako
Derrick Chong: you can be a writer.
mtbmug: no, arts n crafts i mean...
Derrick Chong: i think kailngn lang ng mga publications
mtbmug: ganun? giv me more tips, para makalayas d2
Derrick Chong: husband mo anu field
mtbmug: nurse
Derrick Chong: research ako
Derrick Chong: huh?
mtbmug: salamat Derick
Derrick Chong: mabilis yun makapunta dito
mtbmug: wala kami contact
Derrick Chong: talaga
Derrick Chong: nagexam na ba asawa mo
mtbmug: cant afford sa ngayon
Derrick Chong: meron kamaganak sila kerwin sa new york agency ng mga nurse
mtbmug: talaga, patulong kahit nurse assistant lang
Derrick Chong: kausapin ko siya
Derrick Chong: if not pag nakita mo online sabihan mo rin
mtbmug: naka-stealth din yun
Derrick Chong: alamin ko
mtbmug: sige...
Derrick Chong: di ko nga nakikita
Derrick Chong: tanung ko sa ate niya pag nakausap ko. next week
mtbmug: sige
Derrick Chong: gawin mo pretend na i******** ka na
Derrick Chong: pag natulungan ka na .. " tadaaaa I'm a fake"
Derrick Chong: haha
mtbmug: hehe, i tried, di ko talaga masikmura
Derrick Chong: iba talaga
Derrick Chong: balitaan din kita sa nursing dito
mtbmug: oo, mas aasa pa sigurp ako s u
Derrick Chong: may naisip din ako isang friend namin. dati siya sa agency pero nasa law firm na siya.. baka may contact siya
Derrick Chong: siya nagbigay ng work sa aki
Derrick Chong: akin
Derrick Chong: nagpakilala sa boss ko
mtbmug: sige, whatever help u can giv, OK na s kin
Derrick Chong: cge.. not promising anything pero kakausapin ko sila..
mtbmug: hanapan kita ng maasawa. hehe
Derrick Chong: let see what they can do
Derrick Chong: haha
mtbmug: i mean, gusto mo b Pinay
Derrick Chong: mas attracted na ako sa mexican
Derrick Chong: nabusted nga ako last year
mtbmug: wow! marimar!
Derrick Chong: pero oks lang depende naman
mtbmug: hehe. ayos yan...
Derrick Chong: ayaw sa asian eh
mtbmug: ganda mga anak nu
Derrick Chong: pero ill start dating when i get a car.
Derrick Chong: probably next year
Derrick Chong: malamang haha
Derrick Chong: pogi na tatay maganda pa nanay lol
mtbmug: good! haha. makarami ka sana
Derrick Chong: ikaw nga dyan marami na
Derrick Chong: nagload na song
Derrick Chong: ?
mtbmug: am'bagal e
Derrick Chong: low tech
mtbmug: di bale, save ko naman 2
Derrick Chong: sayang ..
mtbmug: ayos naman sya, melancholic na bare
Derrick Chong: yung anu?
mtbmug: garneau
Derrick Chong: ah
Derrick Chong: yung radin
mtbmug: di pa, d ko masabay, baka mag hang
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: hehe
mtbmug: wait, CR lang ako
Derrick Chong: oo nga
Derrick Chong: ok
Derrick Chong: maghugas ka
Derrick Chong: lol
mtbmug: tse!
Derrick Chong: haha
Derrick Chong: alam mo ba biglang nagsulputan lahat tao sa past ko..
mtbmug: ALAM MO, NUNG MAGKITA NGA KAMI NI JEFF, GUSTO KONG YAKAPIN, KC, PARANG SOBRA MISS KO SA INU
mtbmug: HEHE, PAREHAS TAU
Derrick Chong: malamng pag nagkita kayo
Derrick Chong: tayo i mean
Derrick Chong: same din
Derrick Chong: alam mo last night
mtbmug: ano
Derrick Chong: bigla akong YM ng kamu ko dati
Derrick Chong: MU
mtbmug: talaga
Derrick Chong: gf na rin
mtbmug: e, y not ibalik
Derrick Chong: umalis kasi ako ng di natapos relationship namin
Derrick Chong: kung meron pa akong naramdaman pag nakita ko siya
mtbmug: nand2?
Derrick Chong: maybe kung bumisita kao nextr year
Derrick Chong: yup
Derrick Chong: kasi nung time na umalis ako medyo nagcool off kami
Derrick Chong: kasi laki na problem sa bahay
Derrick Chong: then medyo gusto niya more time
mtbmug: buti nakapunta ka jan?
Derrick Chong: with her. bago pa lang kami
Derrick Chong: di ko masabi problem sa papa ko
Derrick Chong: visit lang nung una .
Derrick Chong: tour.
Derrick Chong: then nagdecide ako na stay na for good para matulungan sila mama
Derrick Chong: nagkaproblme lang working vis a ko
mtbmug: a OK
Derrick Chong: waited for more than 3 years
Derrick Chong: then ngayon ko lang nakuha work authorization ko..
Derrick Chong: 2 weeks ago
mtbmug: at least, u can breathe
Derrick Chong: tapos nagsulputan kayo lahat. kaya nga im so happy right now.
Derrick Chong: dont feel alone anymore..
Derrick Chong: at least di na sobra
mtbmug: hehe, good. nakwento ko rin kay sa mr ko
Derrick Chong: hirap din pinagdaanan ko
Derrick Chong: kala kasi iba dyan mabilis..
Derrick Chong: dito
Derrick Chong: grabe may one time naiyak ako
mtbmug: Y?
Derrick Chong: kasi wala nman ako magagawa.
Derrick Chong: yung first year ko kasi dito
Derrick Chong: i stayed with my college friends..
Derrick Chong: im very thankful na sila nagalok na pwed ako magstya dun
Derrick Chong: stay
mtbmug: then
Derrick Chong: so they just got married and rented a one bedroom apartment..
Derrick Chong: sa sala ako natutulog.. latag lang ng air bed.
Derrick Chong: ang layo ng office ko
Derrick Chong: have to wake up really early to take the bus
mtbmug: ilang hrs b
Derrick Chong: then a hapon sinusundo ako ng asawa
Derrick Chong: bus tkaes 2 hours i think
Derrick Chong: 830 pasok
Derrick Chong: so i should be in the bus stop 615
mtbmug: san ka naiyak?
Derrick Chong: ok
Derrick Chong: one time may isang friend yung pinsan ko..
Derrick Chong: pinameet sa akin
Derrick Chong: so we went out.. dinner lang
Derrick Chong: siya kasi nagpakilala sa akin kay Dory .. yung sabi ko na nagwowork sa agency dati
Derrick Chong: sa phone ko lang nakakausap si Herbie that time .. so he decided to meet me.
Derrick Chong: so nagpaalam ako sa kaibigan ko na uuwi ako by 11pm
Derrick Chong: wala kasi akong susi
Derrick Chong: sa apartment
Derrick Chong: gated kasi siya
Derrick Chong: so we finished dinner. herbie dropped me off at 1045
Derrick Chong: i think
Derrick Chong: walng sumasagot sa intercom
Derrick Chong: then sa phone wala din
Derrick Chong: delikado pa namans apalce na yun
Derrick Chong: so i called herbie again
Derrick Chong: sabi ko problem wala akong tutuluyan
Derrick Chong: motel nalang ako sabi ko.. if he can drop me off in any motel
Derrick Chong: sabi niya tulog nalang kami sa cousin niya
Derrick Chong: pero he needs to drop me off the next day to my friends apartment
Derrick Chong: around 6:30. kasi may work siya
Derrick Chong: so pag dating ko dun
Derrick Chong: wala parin sumasagot
Derrick Chong: nagantay ako sa labas ng apartment until 10 i think
mtbmug: am na
Derrick Chong: tapos tipong yung lugar wala kang mapupuntahan na pwd mo antayan and then 1st week ko palang yata nun
Derrick Chong: yup
Derrick Chong: so i waited 6:30 tpo 10 am
Derrick Chong: uotside the apartent
Derrick Chong: walng mapuntahan
mtbmug: as in walang tao sa loob?
Derrick Chong: i just called my cousin
Derrick Chong: di nila sinasagot phone
Derrick Chong: tinaggal nila yung connection
Derrick Chong: kasi natutulog sila
Derrick Chong: i understand them naman
mtbmug: bat di ka nag-aabot sa kanila then?
Derrick Chong: pero yung feeling helpless ka
Derrick Chong: grabe
Derrick Chong: first month wala pa..
mtbmug: i c
Derrick Chong: pero 2nd month sinabihan ko na abot na ako
mtbmug: yah, pero isipin mo na lng hirap ng mama mo
Derrick Chong: thenakko din bili minsan groceries
Derrick Chong: kaya nga di siya tinawagan ko that time
Derrick Chong: ayoko rin siya magalala
Derrick Chong: lagi kasi yun nagaalala
mtbmug: correct, h'gat kaya mo pa...
Derrick Chong: pero thankful din ako sa mga tumulong sa akin dito
Derrick Chong: met e good friends here.
Derrick Chong: some
Derrick Chong: hirap dito pag la kang kilala nad relatives
Derrick Chong: and
mtbmug: mas mahirap me relatives ka, ayaw kang tulungan
Derrick Chong: then yung feeling alone ka nakakasira ng ulo.
Derrick Chong: hehe
Derrick Chong: oo nga
mtbmug: kanta k n lang ng No Rain
Derrick Chong: lol
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: fav kanta mo yun ]
Derrick Chong: sa page mo
mtbmug: oo
mtbmug: sa karaoke
Derrick Chong: hehe
mtbmug: yon lng kinakanta ko
Derrick Chong: nakita mo page ko
Derrick Chong: abgo yun
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: bago
Derrick Chong: inerase ko na luma
mtbmug: nde pa nga e
Derrick Chong: kasi tinggal ko lahat ng pinsan ko sa fatherside
mtbmug: haha, pati Kerwin?
Derrick Chong: mga friends ko lang talaga nilagay ko tsaka pinsan sa mother side
Derrick Chong: mother side si kerwin
Derrick Chong: father side yung mga super chekwa
mtbmug: ah, ganun ba
Derrick Chong: mother side ko oks lahat
mtbmug: Chong kc kau pareho e
Derrick Chong: gamit ko sa nanay ko
Derrick Chong: tatay ko tingco
Derrick Chong: or tengco
mtbmug: i c
Derrick Chong: nasan anak mo ngayon
mtbmug: naisip ko tuloy nu, salbahe pala side nina Win. lol
Derrick Chong: hindi
mtbmug: laro sila
Derrick Chong: sila nga todo suporta
Derrick Chong: pinakaclose ko na pinsan ate niya
Derrick Chong: ate hazel
mtbmug: i c.
Derrick Chong: siya yung tinatawagan ko pag may problem ako dito
Derrick Chong: or yung mas ate pa nila
mtbmug: c win?
Derrick Chong: si win kasi naging close ko lang sa banda
Derrick Chong: medyo iba kasi kami wavelength.. lol
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: same in many ways pero hindi lahat
Derrick Chong: alam mo ba yung nagyari nung
Derrick Chong: nalamna tungkol sa shabs
Derrick Chong: naklimutan ko na.. bigla kang naglaho
mtbmug: d b nga pina-abroad sha
Derrick Chong: i mean before
Derrick Chong: nagrehab pa siya nun
mtbmug: Y?
Derrick Chong: nakalimutan ko na. what happened that time
Derrick Chong: i remember kinausap ko si ate hazel tungkol dun
Derrick Chong: then yung nanay ni kerwin
Derrick Chong: ayaw pa maniwala sa akin
mtbmug: na ano
Derrick Chong: tungkol sa drugs
Derrick Chong: pero alam na pala ni chester matagal na
mtbmug: 3 sila
Derrick Chong: yup
Derrick Chong: diba binenta nila kerwin yung effects ni jeff
mtbmug: alam ko yon
Derrick Chong: kaya sila nagaway
Derrick Chong: hinanap ng nanay ni kerwin yung pinagbentahan
Derrick Chong: para mabawi effects
mtbmug: d ko alam un
Derrick Chong: then umamin na sila chester alam ko tsaka yung isang pinsan nila kerwin na may alam din sila
Derrick Chong: so na prove nga na meron
mtbmug: an alam ko, silang 3, gumagamit
Derrick Chong: nasan ka nun? di ko na matandaan huling usap natin
Derrick Chong: yup 3 sila
Derrick Chong: kami ni augie good boy
mtbmug: d ko na rin alam... hehe, lam ko din un
Derrick Chong: weird
Derrick Chong: naklimutan ko na
Derrick Chong: basta alam ko huling usap natin tungkol sa possible na nagdrugs sila
mtbmug: parang nag-tiklop book of life ko by that time
Derrick Chong: kasi they kept on asking for money to buy guitar and drum parts
Derrick Chong: bakit
mtbmug: nagsara dred, umuwi ako ng ilocos, nag-asawa, pumasok ako sa govierno, nag-anak, pinilit magka-pamilya nang maayos
Derrick Chong: ic..
Derrick Chong: bagong chapter ng buhay ni marge
Derrick Chong: beiing normal again
mtbmug: ba, ma-drama din ang hirap na dinaanan ko
Derrick Chong: bakit
mtbmug: kc, mejo d handa
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: hirap pala
mtbmug: then, later, dahil sa s***
mtbmug: i had to set up a karaoke joint, at umiiyak habang nagbebenta ng beer
Derrick Chong: talaga
mtbmug: oo... ilang beses ako nag-attempt hiwalayan sya
Derrick Chong: really..
mtbmug: pero he kept coming bk
Derrick Chong: kala ko oks kayo ng bf mo dati
Derrick Chong: may anak na kayo nun
Derrick Chong: yung family mo anu sabi
mtbmug: supportive naman sila, kaso, tatay ko, ayaw na hiwalayan ko
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: panu siya tumino
mtbmug: i compromised, tira kami d2 sa hometown nya
Derrick Chong: then
mtbmug: OK naman kami, careerwise, pero umiinom & smetimes, nalalasing, di maganda mga sinasabi
Derrick Chong: hehe
M: ... kaso...kaya ako natutong makipag-chat
Derrick Chong: natuto? dahil?
mtbmug: kasi, sobrang bad trip ko sa paglalasing nya, wala akong mapag-inuman, nag-internet n lang ako!
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: kaya friendster bagsak
Derrick Chong: para sa normal na tao again
mtbmug: ende, yong friendster ko, yong isang nagne-networking ang nag-tip na sumali na ako
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: pero oks din u get to post your blog
mtbmug: chat lang. pero friendster, last resort saka pampagulo na lang un
mtbmug: mas nagba-blog ako
Derrick Chong: hehe
mtbmug: kaso, walang my space d2
Derrick Chong: yung isang friend namin nung college mahilig din magblog
Derrick Chong: pero di ko mabasa
Derrick Chong: kasi mali mali english minsan
mtbmug: hehe
mtbmug: bad trip un
Derrick Chong: hehe
Derrick Chong: kinikilabutan ako
Derrick Chong: haha
Derrick Chong: walang myspace dyan?
mtbmug: wala
Derrick Chong: kala ko worldwide siya
mtbmug: not allowed
Derrick Chong: ic
mtbmug: last i tried, last yr pa... d n ko nag-attempt pa
Derrick Chong: buti naaccess mo page ko
mtbmug: pwede lang i-access, parang friensdter
Derrick Chong: pwed sya tingan pero di pwed join?
mtbmug: pero di pwede mag-browse
Derrick Chong: i
Derrick Chong: x
Derrick Chong: c
mtbmug: d rin pwede join nun...
mtbmug: basta send mo lang link, then, mao-open
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: yung myspace ko di ko narin nasisilip
Derrick Chong: dati naging madals lang dahil dun sa mexican chick
Derrick Chong: mahilig kasi dun sa myspace..
mtbmug: hehe.... tapos, binasted ka
Derrick Chong: oo nga eh
mtbmug: ganda b?
Derrick Chong: sabi ng kaofficemate ko na mexican din
Derrick Chong: sabi daw nung babae .. di ko daw siya kaya
mtbmug: financially
Derrick Chong: mahilig yata
Derrick Chong: hehe
mtbmug: ah sex?
Derrick Chong: wait hanapin ko pics
Derrick Chong: yup
mtbmug: haha!
Derrick Chong: i think yun yung meaning niya
mtbmug: 呵...哈哈哈！(倒頭大笑)
Derrick Chong: haha
mtbmug: nd nga ba???
Derrick Chong: kala lang niya yun
mtbmug: los nya, hehe
Derrick Chong: alam mo naman usually kasi asian dito di masyado macho looking
mtbmug: mag gym ka nga
mtbmug: tapos, pakita ka sa kanya, me iba na
Derrick Chong: para sa kanila mexican parin kahit na di naman sila kaya buhayin
Derrick Chong: kaya nga nag diet and exercise ako
mtbmug: mukhang tinamaan ka talaga ah!
Derrick Chong: i lost 40 lbs in a year
mtbmug: asan pix nya
Derrick Chong: wait di ko maaccess yungisa kong account
Derrick Chong: nakalimutan ko password
Derrick Chong: may bf na siya
Derrick Chong: nasa site niya
mtbmug: site n lang nya
Derrick Chong: wait
Derrick Chong: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=6043661
mtbmug: gusto mo makita husband ko?
Derrick Chong: cge
mtbmug: and2 kc, kala me iba ako ka chat
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: haha
mtbmug: nagra-random check yon e
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: hehe seloso
mtbmug: oo, kulot!
Derrick Chong: haha
mtbmug: sobra, kaya pag lasing, dun lumalabas ka-demonyohan sa utak nya
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: nasan na
mtbmug: nsa kabilang pc
Derrick Chong: ic
mtbmug: magyayahoo sports
Derrick Chong: madami kayong pc
mtbmug: 4
mtbmug: negosyo
Derrick Chong: huh?
Derrick Chong: bakit
Derrick Chong: anu ba negosyo nyo
mtbmug: research, writing negosyo namin
Derrick Chong: internet shop
Derrick Chong: ic
mtbmug: ende, office talaga
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: sino gumagamit nung ibang pc
mtbmug: sha ung Ana?
Derrick Chong: yup
mtbmug: mga writers namin
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: nakita mo
mtbmug: oo, yon bf nya?
Derrick Chong: di naman sobrang ganda
Derrick Chong: yup
Derrick Chong: tatay
Derrick Chong: itsura
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: pero pogi syempre
Derrick Chong: spanish eh
mtbmug: kaya m yan
Derrick Chong: anung m
mtbmug: baka mas maganda pa
Derrick Chong: thanks
Derrick Chong: kelan lang may pera
Derrick Chong: kelangan
Derrick Chong: dito kasi minsan materialistic babae
Derrick Chong: mostly
mtbmug: oo... me na-blog nga ako ganyan sabi
Derrick Chong: pero kilala naman asian guys dito na responsible
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: which is a plus
Derrick Chong: california kasi
Derrick Chong: malapit pa sa hollywood
mtbmug: madami maganda jan
Derrick Chong: dami
Derrick Chong: grabe
Derrick Chong: sabi nila halos lahat ng magganda dito na nakatira
Derrick Chong: yung lahi ng boss ko
mtbmug: hehe, pa-macho k lang
Derrick Chong: magaganda sila
Derrick Chong: pero para silang chinese kailanagn sa chinese din
Derrick Chong: di pwd ibang lahi
mtbmug: Y? mexican boss mo?
Derrick Chong: armenian
mtbmug: mga ruso dati yon d b?
Derrick Chong: yup
Derrick Chong: pero features nila halo russina and turkish
mtbmug: hehe, maganda nga. Si Paulina Poriskova na tipo
Derrick Chong: more on turkish pero christian sila
Derrick Chong: hindi eh
mtbmug: i c
Derrick Chong: tipong wonder woman
mtbmug: bang klase rin mga type mo pala
Derrick Chong: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewAlbums&friendID=6125412
Derrick Chong: tipong ganito
Derrick Chong: mahilig ako sa strong features
mtbmug: hehe, ayaw ulit pa-access
Derrick Chong: talaga
Derrick Chong: wait
Derrick Chong: hanapin ko secretary namin
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: di ko mahanap
mtbmug: ox lng, nx tym
Derrick Chong: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=10521047
Derrick Chong: eto nahanap ko
Derrick Chong: nasa right siya
Derrick Chong: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=6125412&MyToken=46672057-e46a-4295-bf6d-8c8f5f67120f
mtbmug: type mo ulit
Derrick Chong: eto kapatid ng asawa boss ko
mtbmug: me napuntahan ko... dada.net yata
Derrick Chong: oo pero sure na di pwed
Derrick Chong: armenian din usually pinapakasaln nila
mtbmug: mga makalahi, hehe
Derrick Chong: yup
Derrick Chong: oparang chinese Filipino
mtbmug: try n try lang, malay mo
Derrick Chong: i think mexican mas possible
Derrick Chong: usually mga armenian dito super rich din
Derrick Chong: tipong student palang mercedes na car
mtbmug: gusto mo talaga matangos ilong ah!
Derrick Chong: bmw
Derrick Chong: ferrarri
mtbmug: anyayabang
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: hehe
Derrick Chong: yng iba
Derrick Chong: pero yung iba can afford naman talaga
mtbmug: bili ka alfa romeo
Derrick Chong: boss ko porsche
Derrick Chong: hehe
mtbmug: hilig ata ng mga european, branded acrs
mtbmug: cars
Derrick Chong: yup
Derrick Chong: ako japanese car bibilhin
mtbmug: Toyota
Derrick Chong: tipid sa gas mura pa
Derrick Chong: SCION
Derrick Chong: wala yata dyan ?
Derrick Chong: not sure
mtbmug: wala pa yata
Derrick Chong: mura kasi siya
Derrick Chong: tapos oks pa itsura
Derrick Chong: and marami na included
mtbmug: i c. pang pik up trak lng ako
Derrick Chong: hehe
mtbmug: saka na... biruin mo, pagpunta namin d2 April last yr, 2 travel bag lang dala namin
mtbmug: as in nakipag-sapalaran lang
Derrick Chong: talaga
Derrick Chong: buti ngayon oks na kayo
mtbmug: oo... mejo nagtataka mga neighbors/me kilala sa mr ko
mtbmug: kasi wala naman kami abroad
mtbmug: pero me low season tulad ngayon...
mtbmug: by sept, naku, di na naman ako mahagilap
Derrick Chong: talaga
Derrick Chong: so sept malaks?
Derrick Chong: malapit na
mtbmug: start. until april
Derrick Chong: panu ba nagwowork business niyo
mtbmug: me contact kami abroad... wag ka, Ukraine
mtbmug: sila nagpapadala
Derrick Chong: talaga
Derrick Chong: then?
mtbmug: nung nagpunta ako Manila 2005, habang nag-o-ofis ako, aply ako nang aply online... hehe
Derrick Chong: then
mtbmug: tapos, na-chambahan ko, me nag-reply ng exam
mtbmug: pumasa ako
mtbmug: online lang lahat...
Derrick Chong: anung exam
mtbmug: kaya, check mo rin possibilities mo online, Chinese ka pa man din
mtbmug: research & writing
Derrick Chong: anu ba gingawa niyo
Derrick Chong: so you mean magpaparesearch sa inyo
Derrick Chong: then isusulat niyo
mtbmug: me mga nagpapa-research na individuals
mtbmug: oo
Derrick Chong: san kayo kumukuha ng research materials
Derrick Chong: diba medyo mahirap dyan sa pinas
mtbmug: me subscription ako ng journals, online din
Derrick Chong: ic
mtbmug: sabi ko nga, check mo possibilities, and2 lang kami ni Jeff
mtbmug: kasi, anlaki ng potential
Derrick Chong: u mean ng gusto magresearch dito
Derrick Chong: ?
mtbmug: si Jef, 1 Ausy & American lang client nya
mtbmug: i mean ALL KINDS OF BUSINESNESS
Derrick Chong: nagtry ako a year ago
Derrick Chong: putsourcing
Derrick Chong: outsourcing
mtbmug: ano nangyari
mtbmug: maganda kasi, joint forces
Derrick Chong: kumita kami ng friend ko 8000 dollars in 4 months
Derrick Chong: pero natigil kasi humina yung construction dito
Derrick Chong: ngayon lang uli nagboboom
Derrick Chong: balak ko parin ituloy kung nakahanap ako contacts '
mtbmug: oo
mtbmug: saka derick, me bsnes pala ako, kelangan ko 1 tulad mo
Derrick Chong: sabi ko kay jeff gusto ko gumawa porn site
Derrick Chong: anu ?
mtbmug: lol!
Derrick Chong: yung isang client namin dito grabe ang yaman na
Derrick Chong: dahil sa porn site
mtbmug: haha! ano na lang, arranged weddings
Derrick Chong: hehe
Derrick Chong: oks din yan
Derrick Chong: pero illegal yan eh
Derrick Chong: yung porn site hindi
mtbmug: inde a!
Derrick Chong: pwed dyan sa province mo hanap ka mga model s
Derrick Chong: tapos kunan natin
Derrick Chong: isend dito
mtbmug: kasi, magcha-chat namn talaga sila
Derrick Chong: ic
Derrick Chong: anu pala yung kailanagn mo na katulad ko?
Derrick Chong: meron a rin ganun na business
Derrick Chong: mail to order bride
Derrick Chong: nagresearch anrin ako dyan dati
mtbmug: ganun na nga
Derrick Chong: kasi sa case namin na green card monitored kami
mtbmug: d k pa citizen?
Derrick Chong: hindi pa
Derrick Chong: 5 years from now
Derrick Chong: wala pang green card ko
Derrick Chong: diba nagkaproblem ako
Derrick Chong: 2 weeks ago ko palang nakuha work permit ko
mtbmug: oo nga
Derrick Chong: so wala pa akong record sa ngayon
Derrick Chong: kasi possible na maging money laundering issue yan
mtbmug: gusto ko rin na legal sya, sa side mo
Derrick Chong: pero alamin natin
Derrick Chong: oo nga eh kasi 4 years na inantay ko maging legal baka
mtbmug: oo, check mo rin
Derrick Chong: magkaproblem pa ako. hahah
mtbmug: i understand naman
Derrick Chong: thanks.
Derrick Chong: we'll see
Derrick Chong: baka possible
mtbmug: chine-check ko rin with HSBC
Derrick Chong: kung maytax willing ka naman i shoulder tax
mtbmug: oo na,man
Derrick Chong: medyo malaki din lalabas kasi single ako
Derrick Chong: as in 30 percent
Derrick Chong: yata
Derrick Chong: not sure din
mtbmug: tax mo? laki din a
Derrick Chong: wala pa kasi ako binabayaran sa ngayon
mtbmug: pero OK lang
Derrick Chong: wala pa kasi inaantay ko pa yung socila security number ko
Derrick Chong: 2 weeks pa daw darating
mtbmug: i c.
mtbmug: yong pamangkin ko kasi, underage pa
Derrick Chong: before palang ako pwed magwork
Derrick Chong: ng official
Derrick Chong: nasan siya
Derrick Chong: ilan taon
mtbmug: 16 lang
mtbmug: nasa Virgin Islands
Derrick Chong: 2 years pa
mtbmug: oo nga
Derrick Chong: sana nga makapunta na mister mo dito
Derrick Chong: para mas ok
mtbmug: we're checking all possibilities naman
mtbmug: sige, yon na lang. hehe
Derrick Chong: hehe
Derrick Chong: mas maganda yun
mtbmug: pero kayod talaga jan e, ano?
Derrick Chong: yup dito pag di ka masipag
Derrick Chong: magsasawa ka
Derrick Chong: dapat mahal mo rin work mo
mtbmug: buti ikaw, arts pa rin
Derrick Chong: kasi pag hindi mo gusto work mo di ka tatagl
Derrick Chong: architectural designe r
Derrick Chong: kung anu talaga gusto ko
Derrick Chong: senior designer na ako sa office
mtbmug: wow!
Derrick Chong: galing no
mtbmug: pa-kain ka naman!
Derrick Chong: pero di pa malaki sweldo
Derrick Chong: kasi di pa ayos papel
Derrick Chong: haha
mtbmug: meaning, papunta na dun!
Derrick Chong: pero darating tayo dun
Derrick Chong: hopefully
Derrick Chong: kasi dapat sa experience ko
mtbmug: hehe! galingan mo pa lalo
Derrick Chong: rate ko mga 80,000 dollars a year na
Derrick Chong: possible 90
Derrick Chong: pero ngayon close to half lang
Derrick Chong: dahil nga sa problem ko
mtbmug: ayos,
mtbmug: hehe!
Derrick Chong: sana umabot ako dun
mtbmug: wala silang choice!
Derrick Chong: haha
Derrick Chong: hirap din kasi mabuhay dito
Derrick Chong: mahal mga expenses dollars din
mtbmug: oo nga
Derrick Chong: imagine magkano apartment namin
mtbmug: d naman pwede di gumastos
Derrick Chong: 1300 amonth
mtbmug: ilan kasama mo
Derrick Chong: 2 lang kami
Derrick Chong: umalis na yung isa
Derrick Chong: so medyo tipid mode ulit kami
mtbmug: hanap ulit kau kasama
Derrick Chong: utilities. nasa 150 a month each
Derrick Chong: oo nga eh
Derrick Chong: punta ka na dito
Derrick Chong: ikaw nalang
mtbmug: hehe, sige, tulungan mo ko
Derrick Chong: hehe syempre
Derrick Chong: tingnan natin kung anu pwed.
Derrick Chong: clown kaya
mtbmug: baduy ako magpatawa
Derrick Chong: sa cirque du soleil
Derrick Chong: haha
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: uy tulog na muna ako
Derrick Chong: 130 na dito
mtbmug: sige, ingat!
Derrick Chong: baka may lumabas na mumu
mtbmug: hehe
Derrick Chong: inagt din ..
Derrick Chong: thanks sa chat
mtbmug: nx time ulit
Derrick Chong: iym mo lang ako kung free ka
Derrick Chong: online ako minsan kahit invisible
Derrick Chong: ayoko rin kasi manggulo ng tao
mtbmug: hehe
mtbmug: K
Derrick Chong: bye na for now.. ingat
mtbmug: bye

*** Here's Jeff ***
Jeffrey Tabios: HALLUR
mtbmug: oi, workaholic, gising ka na naman?
Jeffrey Tabios: HEHE
Jeffrey Tabios: back to the drawing board
mtbmug: ka-chat ko derick kanina
Jeffrey Tabios: ok
mtbmug: payaman ka talaga a
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe
Jeffrey Tabios: di naman
mtbmug: i juts sent him lyrics
Jeffrey Tabios: send me naman oh
Jeffrey Tabios: read ko rin
mtbmug: wait ha, i just had to make a call kanina
mtbmug: dami violations, aayusin na lang daw nya
mtbmug: Denied

For a few moments in my life,
I felt half alive… now,
I’m back to a semi-zombie state,
For reasons beyond me.

But then I already knew from the start
This is dumb.
And that I am also paranoid.
It'll be tough getting over this,
But I know I could
And I just would have to.

Life's unfair but there are tons
of distractions to blur this truth.
See you in my dreams.
It's strange that I still dream, awake...

Jeffrey Tabios: sabi nya ayusin nya?
Jeffrey Tabios: naku
mtbmug: bakit? lol
Jeffrey Tabios: ingat na lang
mtbmug: hjehe, me meaning yan a
Jeffrey Tabios: lumabas na sungay eh
mtbmug: pangit kc construction ko e
mtbmug: ginamitan ko ng poetic license (to violate rules)
Jeffrey Tabios: are we talking about your dirty employeee?
Jeffrey Tabios: AH HAHA
Jeffrey Tabios: si derrick pala
mtbmug: tulong ka din daw!
Jeffrey Tabios: See you in my dreams.
Jeffrey Tabios: whos "you"?
mtbmug: bakit?
Jeffrey Tabios: ganda ah
Jeffrey Tabios: intresting
Jeffrey Tabios: i can relate right away
mtbmug: talga? o binobola mo lang ako
Jeffrey Tabios: all you need now is a super riff to go with it
mtbmug: "you" can be anything...
Jeffrey Tabios: anyone
mtbmug: ayus, salamat Jeff, sa contribution!
mtbmug: oo
Jeffrey Tabios: even your old self that you used to like
mtbmug: ya
Jeffrey Tabios: asteeggg pare cool yan
mtbmug: yong RIFFS, wag kalimutan
Jeffrey Tabios: naku, busy pa me hehe di ako makakatulong
Jeffrey Tabios: kalawang na nga strings ko eh
mtbmug: hmp, kahit naman nasa kalye ka/sasakyan kong me naisip ka, di ka rin titigilan
Jeffrey Tabios: true
mtbmug: ayan, u'r DREAMS will eat u
Jeffrey Tabios: we're doomed with ambition
mtbmug: haha!
mtbmug: romantic fools!
Jeffrey Tabios: we reached for the secret too son
Jeffrey Tabios: soon lol
Jeffrey Tabios: we cried for the moon
mtbmug: its not ambition...
Jeffrey Tabios: shine on... you crazy diamond
Jeffrey Tabios: we're all doomed
mtbmug: hahaha!
Jeffrey Tabios: now that... is a fact
Jeffrey Tabios: hehehe
mtbmug: an deverything left will just be the music & memries
Jeffrey Tabios: hope we do enough before we pass
mtbmug: burn out?
Jeffrey Tabios: hope we helped enough
Jeffrey Tabios: nah
mtbmug: we will.
Jeffrey Tabios: who's complaining
Jeffrey Tabios: libre lang naman to eh
mtbmug: oo nga
Jeffrey Tabios: experience lang
Jeffrey Tabios: thank you parin
mtbmug: saan?
Jeffrey Tabios: sa kung sino man gumawa sa akin
mtbmug: 4 lighting d fire?
mtbmug: ano ba pinagsasabi mo?
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe
mtbmug: Jeff, lam mo
Jeffrey Tabios: tungkol sa buhay lang
mtbmug: when we met, gusto kita yakapin
Jeffrey Tabios: haha
Jeffrey Tabios: -why naman
mtbmug: na-miss ko na kau todo e
mtbmug: ewan ko, para kasi tayong mga baliw na nangarap noon
mtbmug: tapos, yong tanong
mtbmug: andun pa ba yong mga baliw?
Jeffrey Tabios: mabango ba ko nun?
Jeffrey Tabios: ako din
Jeffrey Tabios: pero im dawning a diffrent shadow eh
mtbmug: ende, still d same
Jeffrey Tabios: focused on one thing
mtbmug: kala mo lang yonderailed oo
mtbmug: derailed
mtbmug: pero yong train, yon pa rin
Jeffrey Tabios: at least may isa nakakita salamat
mtbmug: wag mo nga ako paiyakin
mtbmug: kakainis ka
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe relax
Jeffrey Tabios: ge na, gotta work muna pare...
mtbmug: sige na
Jeffrey Tabios: nice lyrics again
mtbmug: bad trip na ko
mtbmug: SAYO!
Jeffrey Tabios: haha, bad trip tayong lahat
Jeffrey Tabios: pero focus ka sa magagandang bagay
Jeffrey Tabios: wag ka papatalo
mtbmug: madalas, wala tayong choice
mtbmug: meron ba?
Jeffrey Tabios: from me galing to, OO!
Jeffrey Tabios: me choice lagi
Jeffrey Tabios: it's not the best one pero meron lagi
mtbmug: OK, sige, salamat. am OK na
mtbmug: sana magkita-kita ulit tayo LAHAT
Jeffrey Tabios: onga eh
Jeffrey Tabios: sarap nun
Jeffrey Tabios: nagkita kita kami ni kulot at kerwin
mtbmug: i was busy making my "family" work then
Jeffrey Tabios: si angie may one week na tawagan kami then busy na
Jeffrey Tabios: you nabalitaan ko nga may pamilya na
Jeffrey Tabios: derrick sa internet ako nakita
Jeffrey Tabios: katawa no
mtbmug: yup.. akorin, sa skype kita nakita
Jeffrey Tabios: it's like we're all locked with each other
mtbmug: hehe, at least, we hev each other
Jeffrey Tabios: ganun nalang katindi yung samahan nun
Jeffrey Tabios: yeah
mtbmug: nag chat din kami last wk ni Win
mtbmug: balaura pa rin bunganga, panya daw ESKINOL ko sa mukha! bwahahaha
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe
Jeffrey Tabios: lam mo naman ganun sila
mtbmug: oo, sabi ko sa kanya, ang tatag ng misis nya
Jeffrey Tabios: efeks lang yon
mtbmug: bad trip sya e
mtbmug: asaran lang kami
Jeffrey Tabios: totoong astig ikaw
Jeffrey Tabios: "padamihan tayo pader gusto mo?"
mtbmug: e, Y?
Jeffrey Tabios: haha
Jeffrey Tabios: best line i've heard in years
mtbmug: hehe. wento lang yun. pader lang naman e
mtbmug: me poem din ako, "wall" title
Jeffrey Tabios: masakit payun sa sapak
Jeffrey Tabios: oy astig title
mtbmug: oo, as in, parang temang pinagtatawanan mo dala kong "wall", pero ikaw, me buhat-buhat ka rin
Jeffrey Tabios: you ARE paranoid aren't you
mtbmug: ende,
mtbmug: cool nga daw ako e
Jeffrey Tabios: ah you we're talking about the punch of the titile
mtbmug:
Jeffrey Tabios: lol
Jeffrey Tabios: sorry ah
mtbmug: nawala na pero binasa ko yon sa isang poetry reading sa me Visayas Avenue
Jeffrey Tabios: ah
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe
Jeffrey Tabios: i like that word a lot
Jeffrey Tabios: i'm the biggest Floyd fan
mtbmug: Talga, "Another Brick in The Wall"
mtbmug: Me ginawa akong pocketbook, me banda sa wento, The Wall ang pangalan nila
Jeffrey Tabios: nga eh
Jeffrey Tabios: naunahan ako eh
Jeffrey Tabios: seen the movie?
mtbmug: san?
Jeffrey Tabios: The Wall
mtbmug: kelan pa yon?
Jeffrey Tabios: 1979
mtbmug: ah, am not sure...
mtbmug: Bakit? ano b plan mo sa Wall?
Jeffrey Tabios: im talking about the movie
Jeffrey Tabios: if you have seen it
mtbmug: sabi mo, naunahan ka
Jeffrey Tabios: ah
Jeffrey Tabios: well i'd like to use it as a band name
mtbmug: Y not?
Jeffrey Tabios: eh meron na eh
Jeffrey Tabios: obvious pa
mtbmug: ganun ba?
mtbmug: hehe, isip k n lng iba
Jeffrey Tabios: "The Other Wall" ?
Jeffrey Tabios: lol
Jeffrey Tabios: astig yun!
mtbmug: Pwede
Jeffrey Tabios: parang twilight zone
mtbmug:
Jeffrey Tabios: putcha you just gave me an idea
mtbmug: oi, seryoso ako ha?
Jeffrey Tabios: yup me too
mtbmug: ayan, yong riffs
mtbmug: u should chat w/ derick one time
Jeffrey Tabios: shet, buong gabi iikot ulo ko sa idea na yun
Jeffrey Tabios: "What could the other wall BE?!"
mtbmug: kaya gawin mo na lang, kesa mabaliw ka
Jeffrey Tabios: what the fuck does that mean?!
mtbmug: nilumot!
mtbmug: ganda nga
Jeffrey Tabios: asteeg!
Jeffrey Tabios: kakapraning!
mtbmug: haha
Jeffrey Tabios: i can base my entire life with that one idea
Jeffrey Tabios: lol
mtbmug: oo... ganda no? wall
Jeffrey Tabios: it's creepy, dark and mysterious
mtbmug: ha?
Jeffrey Tabios: the idea
mtbmug: ikaw, kung ano trip mo, basta, me dala sya
Jeffrey Tabios: tama
Jeffrey Tabios: asteeg yun
Jeffrey Tabios: it's also teaasing and taunting to Pink FLoyd
Jeffrey Tabios: I hope it catches their attention
Jeffrey Tabios: problema lang
mtbmug: hahaa
Jeffrey Tabios: pano papa ingayin yung isang idea
mtbmug: multi-media
mtbmug: para kang HINDI
Jeffrey Tabios: at dito magsisimula ang musika
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe kalamo ah
Jeffrey Tabios: natetempt ako right now
mtbmug: GIVE IN
Jeffrey Tabios: wag
mtbmug: sige na
Jeffrey Tabios: mahal ang laptop, ayokong ihagis sa bintana
mtbmug: he
Jeffrey Tabios: pero
mtbmug: bili ka lang bagong strings
Jeffrey Tabios: shet
Jeffrey Tabios: benta ko laptop bili ako gitara!
Jeffrey Tabios: wag
mtbmug: wala na ba gitara mo? di ba dami ka nun
Jeffrey Tabios: meron
mtbmug: yun naman pala e
mtbmug: keyboards, nabenta mo?
Jeffrey Tabios: galingan ko sa kompyuter saka ko bibili ng gitara tapos hampas ko sa "pader" tong laptop
mtbmug:
Jeffrey Tabios: sunugin natin sa stage ang laptop
mtbmug: bawal na s u alcohol d b? nalasing k sa laptop
Jeffrey Tabios: instrumento ng demonyo yan
mtbmug: Jeff, gagawa lang ng music
Jeffrey Tabios: kailangan may meaning lahat bago ka gumawa ng music
Jeffrey Tabios: other wise gagawa nalang ako ng kindergarden song
mtbmug: andami na di ba? no need to destroy another
Jeffrey Tabios: onga
Jeffrey Tabios: dami na tayo B.S. tiniis
Jeffrey Tabios: sobra na sila
Jeffrey Tabios: nagagagalit na ko
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe
mtbmug: di na uso mainstream... FREE WARES /SHARING na
Jeffrey Tabios: i hate society, and I hate what they want me to be
Jeffrey Tabios: i hate me
Jeffrey Tabios: yun lang
Jeffrey Tabios: peace out
mtbmug: ge,
Jeffrey Tabios: pagnilibing ako i'll request nakatigas middle finger ko at litaw sa labas ng kasket\
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe
Jeffrey Tabios: katawa yun
Jeffrey Tabios: na imagine mo ba
Jeffrey Tabios: HAHAHA
mtbmug: ano ba pinagsasabi mo, kelangan natin RIFFS!
Jeffrey Tabios: onga
mtbmug: ako, magpapatugtog ng ska, saka reggae. tse
Jeffrey Tabios: nasa Music Video na ko eh
mtbmug: ok
Jeffrey Tabios: haha, front cover ng album ganun lagay natin
mtbmug: alin?
mtbmug: nak-F-U k?
Jeffrey Tabios: ok, im thinking too far ahead
Jeffrey Tabios: yeah
mtbmug: hehe
mtbmug: hype yon
Jeffrey Tabios: casket, buhat ng apat na tao, tapos mapapansin mo yung kamay na ka litaw
mtbmug: riffs, man
Jeffrey Tabios: i bet di nila ilalagay yun sa front rack
Jeffrey Tabios: imagine what the poster would look like!
mtbmug: pwede
Jeffrey Tabios: haha, billboard sa edsa HAHA
mtbmug: uso pa ba rack?
Jeffrey Tabios: daming mababanga
Jeffrey Tabios: meron pang bumibili nun ah
mtbmug: live shows habulin mo... concert
Jeffrey Tabios: i know
Jeffrey Tabios: katawa lang
mtbmug: hehe
mtbmug: para kang naka-damo a
Jeffrey Tabios: onga eh
Jeffrey Tabios: trip
Jeffrey Tabios: oy trabaho nako
mtbmug: kulit e no? naalala ko tuloy c kulot!
Jeffrey Tabios: hehe pagbalik mo visit tayo sa kanya
mtbmug: sige
Jeffrey Tabios: k?
Jeffrey Tabios: great
mtbmug: online tau, bulabugin natin Win & Derick
Jeffrey Tabios: ge dito lang me
mtbmug: k, riffs ha?
Jeffrey Tabios: sure
mtbmug: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=139747167
mtbmug: check mo, anjan Denied

People in Our Laidback Lives

2007-08-13T00:50:00.000-07:00

There are still advantages in living in the rural areas which I would like to share here. Despite the simplicity of expectations and minds (careerwise for each neighbor, which could be common), there still are a few who stand out.

One is Paul Abrenica Organo. We fondly call him kuya Paul. He is a Jehovah's Witness minister, and a very dedicated one he keeps sharing Bible verses in all instances possible. Every now and then, he brings us publications that contains articles about making the family grow better, and getting to know more about nature, understanding mankind history, and the Creator.

Sometimes, our schedule does nt synchronize with kuya Paul's, we worry he could be sick or immobile. But soon, his cheerful countenance would fill the whole gated area. One time, kuya Paul decided to share his blessings with us, bringing along foods and stuffs for everybody. Well, it could have been quite fine with me except that I had to nudge Jun for kuya Paul might have been influenced with my husband's affair with alcohol.

Despite the spirit, kuya Paul carried on the usual wholesome conversation, challenging me and our landlord, a retired teacher, on how to stop the drug addiction problem. To a point where kuya Paul kept emphasizing about my intellectual capacity (as if...)

Anyway, I pointed out the Asian family value as something that could influence the youth positively, but I also had to express my extreme opinion: shoot to kill all violators, including traffic and waste disposal violators. Well, pardon my bloody thoughts... runs in my veins... hate it though.

Back to kuya Paul, well, he has not prodded us to join his congregation, and still, we cultivate an open discussion on events and humanity, and he appreciated what we could offer as much as we appreciate him for considering us as his extended family.

Another regular vsitor we have is Joy Viernes. We call her Happy Happy Joy Joy, which reminds me much about my lost album collection Saturday Morning Cartoons with some rock rendition of cartoons (okay, kid, anime)soudtracks...

Joy helps us every now and then in our neverending bout with house chores. She also regularly shares observations and experiences about her 16-year existence and this serves as an insight to her naivette --- about how an employer should not badmouth a former employee and all. I had to explain to her human limitations and fears, but still, she had a point. One time, she shares about how one employer who previously did not have much, but changed to become a slave driver after her husband went to work overseas... about her male and female crushes...

Chatroom Adventures

2007-07-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

I've always wondered what's the lure of cyber chat and I ventured on these chat sites one rebellious day... Lonely Planet never could have chosen a better name after I made a few discoveries: there are a thousand few men and women out there seeking solace / company / attention / acceptance out here, and many seek for more, and a thousand others, I reckon, want to be porn stars in their own right. lol.

Well of course, we here aim for star writer/author reputation as bloggers with no name (but I place my name in most of my blogs, well, thanks for noticing, yes, most, I have a few others which are named otherwise) and maybe, we, too, are lonely and seeking what the rest of cyber urchins are looking for.

Chatting with some 30-something guys and younger was quite healthy, like, greeting a friendly neighbor. But maybe, it was my exposure with bands my previous life (90s) that made me comfy chatting with them. I met an Indonesian who loves grunge and used a moniker "nirfana" I almost fell off my chair laughing, because, he told me, "nirvana" was taken. Although he keeps on asking about Silverchair. I met another one from London who wants to be a stripper, and another just being comfy in the company of pretty girls (he's got a pretty girlfriend, and lots of pretty other girl friends)...

Then, there are the lonely divorced/separated/widowed and married men between 40-60 who seem to want to delay Alzheimer's disease through chatting whatever comes along /pops up... They're OK before they get horny... Probably viewing some videos at the same time...

For crying out loud, (we)'ve got a healthy sex life, so, I just can't connect with their needs. It just happened that there's no bar here in my area to hang around, and there's no really close neighbor whom I can chat with... I just want to down a few cocktail glasses to slow down my common sense, and take life like I should... slow and easy... just when I need it... but the internet's the most accessible "killin'time" machine nowadays, there's always free chatrooms, etc... 24/7. So, I landed on the moon that night, and had some adventure...

HOW IT WORKS
Of course, zillions out there already knew how it works I may have been the last to know. But I always suspected there is a need for credit card or online payment... with the proliferation of freebies, I was able to google on a free-membership site. Register, upload a photo to complete a profile for legit member viewing, click the right links, and that was it.

Rooms vary from lounge area, bar, motel, sisters only, brothers only. Enter a room, and those who are already in would probably view your profile, then send you a message/chat. You go from a "hi" until someone starts mentioning sizes. And that's the most regular flow of conversation.

It's rare to find a few who would indulge in some other topics. And it's quite a challenge on how to keep the conversation without having to view each other's cam for afternoon private delights. Some want just fun, but with the use of an additional gadget and a part of the body. Some are also interested to meet interesting people. Others settle for being the star... Unless they convince you otherwise, you remain an audience who would have no choice but ride along on the ongoing chat topic/flow of conversation. Pretend.

And then, it becomes plain boring you feel lonelier than prior to joining in. Some of those I met said they've been in and out for 3 or more years in chat services. Some did not really get good results (like a real date) while others actually ended up having real affairs. Without strings attached.

But if you go down right to it, everybody seems to just want some fun without strings attached.
.. OK, the majority. There's also some I met who said they just need more sex. Are not contented with their present wife/girl.

Many say chatrooms/chat is addictive. I can only agree. Although I can't say I was already addicted... yet (YM virus had me reinstall on my pc), because I value work more than the rare gratification chat provides. I prefer chatting with friends I already and previously met/know.

Still, a lesson remains with the online craze: despite the interconnectivity marketers rap about, it is still a very lonesome planet we've got.

Midlife Crisis

2007-07-05T19:11:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that it has become very difficult each day to choose clothes to wear, so the line "I've got nothing to wear" already applies. Seems like I need to overhaul my wardrobe... Seems like midlife crisis to me.

Raising Hell

2007-06-24T19:21:00.000-07:00

As if each working day in the Philippines is not enough effort to have a decent life, I had to attend to another BIR problem for witholding taxes, etc.

This problem have arisen when after deciding we want to go legit, we filed our business permit. In filing a business permit, several requirements are needed: Barangay Clearance, Residence Certificate, Police Clearance, DTI bsuiness name registration, and one BIR payment receipt. But BIR is such a tacky problem every struggling enterpreneur need to handle, with patience from Axle Rose and toughness from the WWF members (one of the Ws meant Wresting).

The husband, being his first time to do the paperworks this time (I always did the previous years), asked from the BIR Office of this municipality what else are needed (so that the business runs, legitimately). According to him, he was informed "nothing else". Then, May came and the BIR taxmappers came, then the allegations.

Anyway, I have made several discoveries just recently when running a business in the Philippines:

Although your Business Name is run against the whole nation of business names prior to approval and issuance of a Business Name certificate from the DTI, each provincial operation needs a Business Name registered (indicate branch, even if you only switched location/s).
Each operation (nevermind if it's only a switch of of location from a previous location) must also be registered in the corresponding provincial or division BIR office.
IT IS YOUR (yes, you, entrepreneur!!!) OBLIGATION TO LEARN ALL THE INTRICACIES of paying taxes if you want to go legit. As I learned just now, Revenue Collection Officers nor their offices are NOT RESPONSIBLE (repeat, ARE NEVER RESPONSIBLE) if they failed to answer correctly queries about TAX OBLIGATIONS. Source: RCO Cristina A. Soriano.
And now that I am in it, let me continue the hell I raised a while ago.

Ms. Soriano asked what my business is. And when I answered, she retorted in smart-alecky way: "Neverheard. Wala pa akong napirmahan na ganyan."

Meaning, we did not attempt to pay at all.

So I produced the our BIR receipt from her office. Kung manipis ka, feel mo ang sarili mong shit.

But she tried to mellow down and explained some few things that did not answer our problems: penalties for late filing of monthly witholding whatevers (for rentals).

Then, she told me it's the first time that her taxpayers has raised complaints against her office.

To which I retorted, "Madami na akong narinig na mga leche-leche ng iba pang taxpayers!"

She resorted to challenge me and all, what or who are those having complaints, until she saw the opportunity to insert "Ah, kaya pala, bago kasi," (to indicate we're neophytes) when people started to accumulate in the queu.

Honestly, aside from plans to travel overseas, I have no other reason for filing permit and taxes, at all!

Everyday, I am learned enough to know that each peso I dish out to pay food, grocery items, and everything else my family consumes, contains in them forms of taxes directly taken from me. So, it disses me like hell each time I have to go through all these never-ending penalties about tax-payment.

The BIR works this way: failure to file monthly and quarterly obligations has each tax payer pay more than the triple of the original fee. Say, for the rental fee of P65 (yes, pesos the payment becomes P300+ for that month. Failure to file income tax in April (24 hours delay is late and penalty is P1,000.

Anyway, we found a solution to go about the four months penalty, and our accountant will just see to that. I'd better pay services to private persons than send my hard-earned money to a very questionable agency. I'd rather pay my accountant to fix everything rather than pay another cent for persons or agencies who does not give a shit if their constituents die of starvation.

Vacuum

2007-06-04T03:42:00.001-07:00

The election mania is over and we feel more defeated, cheated, less hopeful than ever before. It is a given that the majority of people my age are not even interested who's running to avoid puking or adding more names to their list of "goodyear" contacts (rubberised idiots whom you try as hard to show respect, many times in vain)... And in one blog I browsed over, the author seem very pathetic for trying to convince her male friends to go out and vote. She wrote she became angry with them. She should have asked how the rest of us who will never vote feel...

Because the truth is all over our face and our media just keep on faking all of us (I am not from the media, I am not from the media, I am not!) that there is still sense in voting when in fact there is more dangers to voting:

They have reasons to abuse us all!
They have reasons to steal!
They have reasons to hot-air-balloon their heads!
They have reasons to act idiotic and mighty-as-if in front of us all.

When Roderick Mina (a vice mayor in one of those municipalities I wrote about earlier in this blog) lost, I felt a sense of temporary triumph. But it faded in a few minutes. Because we are never too sure if the one replacing an *@* is a better @#*.

I am old and together with the rest of the Pilipinos (should it be an F?), am jaded. Our bureaucracy stinks and we should start doing something about it. Maybe, the media could help.

By tattooing "PUBLIC SERVANT" on all winning officials.
By letting them memorize the true meaning of "public servant" (it's written in their "Oath of Office") which any registered voter may command for recitation each time a voter wants to (in CAT - ROTC fashion, remember that stupid military drill during your last year in high school/college?)
By not mentioning anything about our dirty politicians (not their names, just position) in any news unless the news is about their dirty deeds
By never featuring the ugly faces of dirty politicians (in whimsical roles) on television, in print or wherever
By keeping track on their unstoppable accumulation of questionable, filthy wealth
Through our lawyers & business sector by providing a body that shall cover expenses for all filing of cases against these unmentionables
By burying them to oblivion once a questionable act is link on them.

Well, of course, this is just a voice in a wilderness of a vacuum. Hi Wilson! How's Spalding?

Club Dredd

2007-05-28T04:25:00.001-07:00

The Return.

Welcome back Patrick Reidenbach & Rob Sunico and Mr. Apa Ongpin. I mean, you should include Richard Tan on your list. I mean, Dodong Viray's gone, and a few others are missing. Hehehe.

Hope to drop by some time, and actually see heads banging again...

Dangerous "Going Bulilit"

2007-05-28T03:55:00.001-07:00

May 27 2007 Sunday. We we're browsing over tv shows and my children happened to fancy "Going Bulilit". The joke on view was not at all a joke but more of a Murder 101 scene: a fat boy (aw shut up politically correct freak, I am fat myself!) touting another boy pretending to be playing golf. Of course, everything was obviously just acting. But for crying out loud, do you really think children pick-up everything?

The golfer was not able to hit the ball after several swings. Then, as a challenge, he proposed that the fat boy lie down with ball on mouth lechon fashion and golfer will not even touch a hair skin of fatboy.

It did not happened that way. And even if it did, it was horrid just the same. More of a Chuckie portion than anything else that should be viewed by children. Chuckie the killer doll. Imagine whacking a head of a boy with a golf club?

A few years back, I keep a golf club given to me by a friend, as a self-defense tool, like a handgun would serve for those who can afford it. At night, I keep it between the foam and the bed, near the headboard, just in case. Everybody knows this is heavy metal we're talking about. Not some fancy lighting sorcerer's magic wand. I am averse to knives as I hate seeing blood (y'know, I feel I could swing or throw anything to an intruder but once I'd see red, my knees would melt like M&M inside your mouth, not in your hands). It makes my stomach turn inside out.

And here are these smart-alecky children pretending to be adults with their stupid gags. When about 70 people died in an ABS-CBN racket, okay, show, yes, Wowwowee, I already knew beforehand people down or up there are quite below the level ridiculous. I mean, maybe, we should consult Alfred E. Neuman with this kind of labeling. As if I have not seen about ABS-CBN defaulting elsewhere in the international business scene... a few years back also...

I mean, OK, I once moonlighted over there for some Star Circle PR and got to peek at their corporate work ethics, and down there at the canteen, people openly watch GMA shows, and openly discuss how pathetic the shows are over at ABS-CBN waiting for the next show to copy or rip off (well, it's those same ABS-CBN people talking!!!)

I was banned after a few gruelling weeks for playing frog-eating-insects during break time at the mac my team was using (and you know, mac computers back then were aliens in television productions and break time was like from the time I sign in at about 11 AM to about the time I sign out at 4:30 PM). It wasn't my fault I wrote press releases like I was just munching Boy Bawang. You know, automatic. Some big shots learned from PAs about my work ethics and I was fired. Sort of. I was not even signed up as contractual or anything... I mean, I don't know... I learned while I was still studying no employee ever gets permanent or regular status at ABS-CBN... I don't know if that policy has changed.

And back to Murder 101, my husband immediately asked me to switch to Tom & Jerry at cartoon network. Never imagined safe could be this subjective. But they should suspend or ban the whole show. Or else, call it Bulilit Murder 101.

Reviews

2007-05-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

If I were to be honest about it, I've got two reviews to make here for making life a bit better, damned hell better:

Google - for searching, and

Yahoo - for delivering.

Battle of the Band

2007-04-28T01:58:00.000-07:00

The event title is a purveyor of things to expect. The band is not a group. And this article is not meant to confuse. I was having a nightmare after a hard day's work, and was awakened when my hubby arrived (heard the gate open). I thought, wow, overtime. It was about past midnight. He said he watched the battle of the bands at the plaza and had a pitcher of beer. I had been planning earlier to see the event myself but due to seemingly very laidback setting at the area, I changed my mind.

I complained why he did not brought me with him. He offered that we go and watch. On the way, we heard a band playing some Freddie Aguilar or Florante stuff (I've heard enough of these cover versions its mixed liked puki-puki in my mind).

The first band on stage I saw was composed of four siblings: 2 girls and 2 boys. If I still recall it right, it is called the Geni band. The elder female handled drums & percussions, the young one, nine years old, held the bass. The vocalist was obviously a death metalist, singing the tune of some local oldies. Then came the Tulisan band. They came from as far as Bulacan. The hosts, deejays from Campus Radio Dagupan noticed their "old" gadgets and wondered if those were still working. They did. But the band, who seemed to me in the age range of early to late 40s, were stuck in an attitude and era of long gone glam rock. They were the epitome of "pasaway." With the longest overture, ad lib and all the fillers they could muster for a 2-piece contest. They had theirs at about 30 minutes or so. It could have been fine. They did not made their guitars cry nor bust their feedbacks and all. But they just seem to be fillers for battles of the bands from here to Bulacan. Pathetic. Poor listeners. I have never been harsh as a viewer; knew how to appreciate performance, good or bad. But this one was literally "punishing".

At last, their second piece ended. We clapped, relieved.

The next band was awesome. It awed me no end, as much as my husband and the deejays. I mean, well, I don't know about the others. They had the same reaction for every music, band or whatever is given them.

They called themselves the "My Favorite Band". The vocalist was neat-looking, even wore leather shoes (the kind sales executives wear during client call) which the deejays noticed. Then, they did Mike Hanopol's "No Touch" and the vocalist danced like Elvis Presley. And then, he lighted the fireworks. Their second piece, believe it or not is Guns'n Roses "Sweet Child". Dancing again like Gary V. And before the set ended, he threw his bigao-filled with glitters and confetti. Warak nga kami e. Sabi nung deejay, "Salamat Totoy Bibo!"

The next band was from Urdaneta. Did some grunge pieces am no longer familiar with.

The next band, from Bayambang was a group of twelve and thirteen year olds. They call themselves "Ela Cutie Cutie" or something to that effect, and wore their hair anime-fashion. They had a clean set, and the vox' was cool and sweet doing Air Supply's "Making Love (Out of Nothing at All)." Then, they did Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." They made justified covers. Unlike many of those before them. Of course, one would question the song list. But I identify with the kids. When I was in first year high school, I too, believed Air Supply rocked. But that was also the same time I started appreciating glam rock, then I discovered Bolshoi, The Cure and the rest of the Brits that conquered the 80s.

The last band did Put3ska's "Manila Girl." They're good, and I hope there was no need to ask me as I was not able to contain myself, it has been so long when I skank --- way back when old Club Dredd still hosted Pinoy's second wave... Lyn Sherman and the Ugoy-Ugoy, Put3ska, etc. I still can't help bobbing my head each time I listen to my old Rancid album... and I just kept wondering, "'asan na ang mga pangkilitos dito?" As in "wala." But this is not new. Even in Vigan gigs, I hardly see the pangkilitos that swarm rock gigs in Cavite or Bulacan, nevermind Metro Manila, weaving their way up the stage for every rock piece they'd opportune to slam their bodies and bang their heads. Miss the scene pretty much, and I am old...

I had fun. It's been a long time I have not seen live performances... Then I'd recall the 90s, popularized, of course by Eraserheads... A few days back when I had a transaction to attend to in the Metro, I wanted to pay Ely Buendia a visit. Mangangamusta lang sana. It still gives me the creeps to recall I have dreamt about him 2 days prior to his angioplasty attack. Even told the dream to my husband... But I was not able to get a response from a contact person who could have led me to Ely's residence. Want to thank him of the music that a country, or a generation lived with for years, and until now, still has traces of influence on new budding Pinoy rock bands... Want to give him a boquet, and let him know millions do appreciate the band's music...

Aaah... signs of mortality. Time passes us by... but the music remains.

Untimely

2007-03-08T00:37:00.000-08:00

Uncle Chavit should fire whoever orchestrated the issuance of warrant of arrest to Gemma Bagayaua of Newsbreak. Bad move if you were to ask 94-yr-old me. It's election time and Gob is running for a senate seat. The last thing every candidate should avoid during elections is earning the ire of the media. Although we (pardon me, I really hate to admit I am a part of the media but 93% of me cannot stop these fingers from writing!DARNIT.) are like "natuktukan a bisukol" for many decades now due to our armed brothers who cannot distinguish TRUE LOYALTY from being "uken" to some moneyed politicians and businessmen, it does not mean we do not feel united. We do. We are wallowing in sorrow for all these things that are happening. And deep inside, we do not like it. Remember when the late presidentiable FPJ brushed aside a newshen from GMA? That was "just" a speck in the daily news, but true news persons took it very, very personally. Believe me, uncle.

Of course, there are still a lot of fake journalists and media folks out there, naglipana. Some call them vultures. But it does not mean there are no true journalists. Most of them are quiet, doing their stuff as if nothing happened. But we are all wishing, deep in the recesses (hanep, kakainis, as if!) of our being that this MUST STOP. The killings and harassments of the press / media MUST STOP. Respect our Constitution! Respect our bill of rights!

I believe what the old and already dead men told me: The world is round. One day you're on top, the other you're way below. Kaya nga sikat ang Gin: Kasi, bilog talaga ang mundo!

So maybe, old men must retire. Check the median age of Filipinos. Old men, why not enjo life and leave the present generation on our own. We can deal with the Chiz and the mega Cunetas of this side of the earth if only you would allow us. You cannot hand over your magic wands to your next of kin just because they have your family name, or blind loyalty. Maybe, even old judges need to retire.

Our Govierno & Our Public Servants

2007-02-11T17:55:00.000-08:00

We have a democratic form of government. But according to Wikipedia, the meaning of democracy is now "used to refer to liberal democracy, but there is no necessity that democracies be liberal (i.e. respectful of individual liberty and property) and in some cases may be illiberal democracies."

These days, when I read factual journalistic details on governments and politics such as in Wikipedia entries, I feel like I am actually reading Mad magazine. In the words of a designer-businessman from Pangasinan, "It's insane!" But then, everybody I get to talk with about the Philippine government (specifically its employees and officials, who claim to be PUBLIC SERVANTS) say this one same thing. Of course, there's a variety, like, yes, "Circus" (which the print media always alluded to), or "clowns" (not the laugh-bistro!).

Ang pakakaiba, ang mga 'to (mga Public Servants kuno), medyo mas madalas, hindi nakakatawa. One resort owner in Pangangasinan shared pagkatapos ma-set-up at operational ang resort niya na siempre pa, pinagkaabalahan niya for how many sleepless nights and harried days, e sa wakas, nag-start din.

Maya-maya lang, andyan na sila!!! Kumbaga sa Mario Bros na pinauso ng Nintendo, mga poisonous mushroom, kakupad maglakad, pero pag nasagi ka, deadly!!!

I mean, eto na daw po ang mga officials ng DENR, at nagde-demand ng safety and sanitation clearance at P60,000 na muelta for the delayed certificate. Nakakaganang maghanap-buhay ano po? Kung si Super Mario ka, mauubos mo lahat ng collected ammunition o power ups mo sa kanila e.

Sabi ng resort operator, "Kung noong hirap na hirap akong kumpletuhin ang mga government requirements ko, ni walang mag-guide sa akin kung ano ang mga dapat kung gawin, lahat kinapa ko, and then, ngayon, sisingilin niyo ako ng ganyan kalaking halaga? Ask from the mayor, because he issued me a license to operate!" nanggigigil na kuwento ng owner.

Lulugo-lugo daw na lumayas ang mga hitad.

Then, the other guy beside me who also operates his own businesses, hiniritan daw minsan ng isang na-elect na public servant vice mayor, bago mag-eleksiyon, ng "Tatakbo akong vice mayor, sagot mo na ang 4 million!" as if humihingi daw ng pan-tong!

Ako naman, just recetly, naatasan ng kompanya na mag-demo sa office of the Sangguniang Bayan ng Villasis. During the demo, vice mayor Roderick Mina insinuated ano naman daw ang "give-away" ko sa kanila? Yong "laptop" daw ba, e na pang demo ko 'yon? Sabi ko, "Sir, sub-domain site na lang" 'coz we're engaged in developing, hosting ang designing websites. He mentioned the subject matter twice. So, I said I would open a site para sa SB ng Villasis, to post whatever they want to. And within that day, I opened a blog calling it "Villasis SB", listed down the names of the officials and 2 of their staff. Then, naglagay ako ng "shout box" with the text "Post your comments and messages."

Abah, at the next day, me labletter ako from the vice, asking me to stop using the office of the SB daw dahil I need their authorization and contract!!!

O sige nga, o, minention ko na naman ang Sangguniang Bayan ng Villasis, ano sir, kelangan ko pang makipag-bid for your so-called contract? Then wait for your authorization? Gigil ko lang. I quoted him My Constitutional Bill of Rights. Ano sya? Pentagon? Naku sir, di po lahat ng citizens of this Republic, nagbebenta ng kanilang freedom of speech and information.

Kapag nakaka-encounter ako ng mga ganitong klase ng patawa, sabi ko, magkapera lang ako, babahain ko lahat ng mga legislative offices ng petition na gumawa ng batas na magkaroon ng examination LAHAT NG LEGISLATIVE OFFICES ASPIRANTS ( Tama kayo, lahat ng kandidato para sangguniang bayan, city councilors, congressman, senators. Bah, janitor nga me qualification, SILA PA?) at kasama sa exam nila, random questions about OUR CONSTITUTION, THE RIGHTS OF THE PEOPLE, at yong Local Government Code nila. Lahat ng may mali, disqualified to run!!!

I had another encounter with a staff of the University of Northern Philippines, sa HRD nila. Di ko naman kausap, nag-request lang ako ng clearance and certificate of employment, namaywang na at pinagtatalakan ako ng "Ano ba talaga ang kailangan mo? Kanina ka pa hingi nang hingi ng kung anu-ano?"

Sabi ko, "Public servant ka di ba? Puwes, public ako!" Actually, napa-Ingles ako ng wala sa oras. Kapag sobra kasi ang gigil ko, napap-Ingles ako e, at hiniritan ko sya ng lahat ng pagpipigil ko.

Tameme ang public servant. Kala mo, asong nabahag ang buntot! Kung pwede lang manadyak, kaso, kahit aso, di ko nagagawa yon e.

Bad trip! Anyway, in case you want to share your experiences with our PUBLIC SERVANTS, just post it in here and I will post it online.

It's high time to claim back what is ours. It is high time our Public Servants learn the meaning of why they pleaded to us to elect them on their seats! I am not asking for an EDSA repeat. Let us educate one another. (Wow, hanep, para akong party-list leader na gustong maging public servant ah!)